Monday, 25 September 2006

Before I Burn In Hell, Let Me Tell You A Story........

PA/PR Gromit whispers to His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem's ear as they wait for The Nashman to come out of the confession box....

Four nuns were cycling across the cobblestone streets when one nun says to another "Ooh, I've never come this way before"

Then, one nun to other nuns riding bicycle across cobblestones "OK, girls, that's enough, back on with the saddles this time."

Suddenly, after turning a corner, one of the nuns was manhandled by two drunk men wearing skin tight costumes.

"Holy Toledo Batman! We finally caught the Penguin" shouted the boy with the red vest, green leggings, and yellow cape.

The three remaining nuns took rest in a park when a flasher came up to them. The first nun had a stroke. The second nun had a stroke. The third nun wouldn't touch him.

"I already had a stroke with the Parish Priest this morning" she said. "I shouldn't have but the Bishop has taken the altar boys for a camping trip".

The nuns were on their way back to the convent but they were abducted by enormous gangsters who took them to a dark alley and sexually assaulted them.

"Forgive them Father for they know not what they are doing" prayed one nun.
"But sister, this one does!" said the other nun, blushing.

When the gang members left, the nuns dressed up quickly and went to the market to buy lime to suck on to wipe the smile off their faces.

"What will Mother Superior say when we tell her we were raped twice?" asked one nun.
"But we were only raped once" replied another, bewildered.
"Aren't we cycling up the cobbled hill on our way back?" explained the other nun.

As they reached the base of the hill, the nuns took off their saddles once more before cycling uphill.

"I like coming here" one nun she said.
"Yes, I come here quite often" added the other nun.
"It's like going up to heaven" revealed the third nun.

The Cardinal saw the nuns coming and stopped them.

"Have you seen my cock?" asked the Cardinal stroking his cock carefully and waving it proudly.
"Yes, I see it every morning playing with Mother Superior's pussy." said one nun.
"Your cock doesn't look lively though, but I guess that's because Mother Superior's pussy stinks most of the time." she added.
"Your cock has very craggy skin and its head is drooping." admitted the second nun.
"Maybe it's time we had your cock for dinner your Holiness." suggested the third nun.
"Yes, I'll come along tonight and you can have my cock." relented the Cardinal.

When they reached the convent and told Mother Superior about the rape, she was angry and ordered them all to wash and purify their offending body parts with Holy Water.

Squatting and about to cleanse their fannies in the fountain of Holy Water, they were stopped by another nun screaming and waving her arms

"Wait! I need to gargle in that first!" she said.

Before dinner, Mother Superior calls all the nuns together and says unto them: "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," says an elderly nun at the back of the room, "I'm so tired of Chardonnay."

Th...tha.....tha....tha...thaat's all folks....(PA/PR Gromit is still in his Cowboy phase. Silly dog.)


ashley said...

You are so repressed!

Alternati said...

In a single post you have managed to not only make me hate everything I once liked about "The Sound of Music"... But you've made Julie Andrews a raving nymphomaniac.

So where is this convent and do they take wanna-be none-nuns?

confessions from a cheap motel said...


and nashman, to complete your one way journey to Lucy's grill, here's the link you wanted hehe

The Nashman said...

Now people, behave.

It must be you. I never thought of the Sound of Music while posting this...

HOw do you solve a problem like Maria?
Distract her attention by tickling her with edelweiss and when she least expects it, shove a big juicy frankfurter up her mouth. See what sound she makes.....

My Gawd, I will be censored for all the smutt on this humble diary of mine. But I won't delete it. For educational purposes na rin. (That Baguio Scandal was interesting. I wonder where that is....)