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Thursday, 21 September 2006

The Nashman Studies of Motion 013: Baño de Cordobesa


Miguel Cervantes de Saavedra Stayed here and so did we...I wonder why though, it's so dry here there are no windmills to catch.....

While the rest of Andalucia freezes at 35C, Cordoba's microclimate provides a more comfortable 40C midday sun. Thankfully, old Spanish houses still have the cool breezy courtyards introduced by the Moors.


The inner courtyard of my humble Cordobesan abode..

Yet, one of my weaknesses is that I tend to overheat easily. I looked forward to a refreshing soak in cold water after lunch for my siesta only to find that my room had this..........



Presenting the Hobbit Bath!

I'm short but I'm NOT that short!

If the hobbits played basketball in the Shire, I'd be frigging Shaquille O'Neal.

It's not the fault of my landlord of course. To preserve the centro historico, all architectural modifications must be kept to the bare essentials. I'm still happy that I even have an ensuite room located just an empty botella of cerveza away from the Mezquita.

In Tokyo, my friend complained that our hotel baths weren't long enough (shet, it's not my fault she's tall) but what it lacked in length it made up for depth and allowed both of us to sit comfortably immersed in water up to our neck. (Besides, in Japan, you should really be using the communal bath which can accommodate the entire prefecture.)

Anyhow, back to Cordoba, my dilemma is how to contort my young, envy-of-many, and nubile body in this small pail of water so that I can dip my head in the cold water.



A puzzle.......esep, esep



Hmmm, wonder what this tube is for?.........Aha! A breathing pipe! I can immerse my head entirely in water without drowning!



In the aid of public service, let me show you the basic yoga positions to adopt whenever you are faced with a bath that is a good three feet shorter than you...

1. The Dead Frog - this position also cools your gonads.


2. The Cossack Dance - imagine yourself dancing like Yul Brynner in Taras Bulba, albeit lying down.


3. De Quatro - allows you to exercise your perineum


4. Inverso De Quatro - when your left testicle needs a rest...


5. Question Mark - kinda like the classic "Hwag po koya!" self defense stance


6. Mila's Lechon - allows you to to rythmically clench your butt cheeks, making them firm, muscular, and hence irresistible to the female species.


Let me share a The Nashman secret - if you gulp down lots of cold cerveza with your patatas bravas, empanada, and croquetas you can build up so much gas that you can pamper yourself with your own self-powered whirlpool bath!


Look at all those relaxing jaccuzi bubbles. Who said energy can't escape from black holes? For your safety, put those lighted scented candles at least a few feet away unless you are qualified to perform the dangerous 'dragon's breath of fire' trick.......

Warning: Release gas in small careful bursts but don't fart too hard or you might release a couple of yellow submarines. That's kinda ewww.....

6 comments:

Kaytee said...

isn't that other metal tube for a showerhead? wouldn't life have been much simpler if you had taken a shower instead of a bath?

you are so lucky no sensitive body parts reflected on the bathroom fixtures in these photos!

The Nashman said...

A two hour shower would have been very wasteful..

My pictures need to pass the Bureau of Censors. Besides all the sensitive parts are too small to be seen a 3x4 jpeg image anyway....

Alternati said...

That tube is giving me a migraine. It can't be for a shower head because it's too low and too high for a drain. It looks like an electrical conduit but why would anybody want a 110 jolt when they're dipping in water. Then, I though it could be used for siphonage... I wonder where it leads to. The best conclusion I could think of is that bath tubs probably drain onto each other. They probably couldn't find possible pipe chases so the tubs from higher storeys dunk their drained water onto the lower tubs and so on until it reaches the ground...

If that were so, did you use it as a breathing pipe? Imagine a hairy Spanish guy taking a much needed bath above you. ulllkk

I'm gonna integrate these spanish yoga positions in my semi-annual work out.

The Nashman said...

I think it's a LAN conduit so you can connect your laptop while in the bath. I guess WIFI reception is weak in the bath hence this tube.....

confessions from a cheap motel said...

all i wanted to know is how did the nashman know about that classic "huwag po koya" self defence stance hahahaha

own experience?

The Nashman said...

hindi, ganyan talaga stance pag ayaw ka ng babae. it begins with 'koya.......prens lang mona tayo'....