Thursday, 21 September 2006
The Nashman Studies of Motion 013: Baño de Cordobesa
Miguel Cervantes de Saavedra Stayed here and so did we...I wonder why though, it's so dry here there are no windmills to catch.....
While the rest of Andalucia freezes at 35C, Cordoba's microclimate provides a more comfortable 40C midday sun. Thankfully, old Spanish houses still have the cool breezy courtyards introduced by the Moors.
The inner courtyard of my humble Cordobesan abode..
Yet, one of my weaknesses is that I tend to overheat easily. I looked forward to a refreshing soak in cold water after lunch for my siesta only to find that my room had this..........
Presenting the Hobbit Bath!
I'm short but I'm NOT that short!
If the hobbits played basketball in the Shire, I'd be frigging Shaquille O'Neal.
It's not the fault of my landlord of course. To preserve the centro historico, all architectural modifications must be kept to the bare essentials. I'm still happy that I even have an ensuite room located just an empty botella of cerveza away from the Mezquita.
In Tokyo, my friend complained that our hotel baths weren't long enough (shet, it's not my fault she's tall) but what it lacked in length it made up for depth and allowed both of us to sit comfortably immersed in water up to our neck. (Besides, in Japan, you should really be using the communal bath which can accommodate the entire prefecture.)
Anyhow, back to Cordoba, my dilemma is how to contort my young, envy-of-many, and nubile body in this small pail of water so that I can dip my head in the cold water.
A puzzle.......esep, esep
Hmmm, wonder what this tube is for?.........Aha! A breathing pipe! I can immerse my head entirely in water without drowning!
In the aid of public service, let me show you the basic yoga positions to adopt whenever you are faced with a bath that is a good three feet shorter than you...
1. The Dead Frog - this position also cools your gonads.
2. The Cossack Dance - imagine yourself dancing like Yul Brynner in Taras Bulba, albeit lying down.
3. De Quatro - allows you to exercise your perineum
4. Inverso De Quatro - when your left testicle needs a rest...
5. Question Mark - kinda like the classic "Hwag po koya!" self defense stance
6. Mila's Lechon - allows you to to rythmically clench your butt cheeks, making them firm, muscular, and hence irresistible to the female species.
Let me share a The Nashman secret - if you gulp down lots of cold cerveza with your patatas bravas, empanada, and croquetas you can build up so much gas that you can pamper yourself with your own self-powered whirlpool bath!
Look at all those relaxing jaccuzi bubbles. Who said energy can't escape from black holes? For your safety, put those lighted scented candles at least a few feet away unless you are qualified to perform the dangerous 'dragon's breath of fire' trick.......
Warning: Release gas in small careful bursts but don't fart too hard or you might release a couple of yellow submarines. That's kinda ewww.....
at 11:42 p.m.