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Tuesday, 19 September 2006

Panama Jack Gromit


No one would confirm the title of the $150M movie New Line Cinema is filming in Middle Earth. Apparently, it's supposed to be a 'secret'. "We're not allowed to say" said the production people when I asked them. Yet "Northern Progress Co Ltd" is a give away.....

Yes, despite appearances, despite being a fugly illiterate Hobbit-sized Orc, The Nashman does read/skim/leaf through books in his spare time. Who better to help me make a selection than trusty sidekick, PA/PR to The House of Orange Gromit......


Howdy Cowboys, Welcome to The Nashman and Gromit's Book Club. We're at Britain's Numero Uno Bookseller - Blackwell's to update our library.

Now that they're filming the movie, I might as well catch up on Pullman's award winning Trilogy. Para naman hindi ako out of fashion. I often bump into Pullman and yet don't have the courage to ask him to sign and lick my copy with his DNA (ramps up the ebay resale price). Perhaps it's because my copy is a printout of a PDF bootleg of his book? That's kinda like asking Norah Jones to sign a CD of her latest album that you picked up from the bangketa. Uu suki, uridyinal itu. Tingnan mu u, Nura Juns ka-duet nya si Pridi Agilar. You look at the sleeve and see a picture of what looks like a bad photoshop image of Ka-Pridi next to Norah smiling. Uy okey to ah, collectors edition! and hand over your 30 pesos. Suki balik ka bukas, miron Black Eyed Pees peetyuring Andre E. And you know you're definitely coming back the following day. Aminin! On another more important note - Why is it that they change the titles on the other side of the Atlantic? It was "Philosopher's Stone" here and "Sorcerer's Stone" there. Now, "Northern Lights" has been changed to "Golden Compass" for the American edition? Bakit? Why? Apay?

A fellow Baguio Blogger (alternati) wrongly posted on his blog "Villains I Root For..." that Wile E. Coyote is a villain! No he is NOT! He is a victim of injustice! Why would anyone root for that ugly bird The Road Runner? He's the Eeeeeevil thorn on our backside! The Road Runner should be blowtorched! Table number 5, sweet and sour road runner la! Orcs is a riotously funny book. It tells the life on an Orc from the perspective of an Orc. I never knew Orcs could be so sensitive and eloquent. How do Orcs use the keyboard though? Don't they have chubby fingers and long nails? Dear Orc Diary: Legolas sat beside me at lunch today. He's so baduy. I mean, white suit with white hair? He's so last year ha. He's dressed up like a Las Vegas performer, pwede va? And he always states the obvious. Oneliners like "The sun sets in the west". No shit, Sherlock. Sauron may have given us two brain cells but we're not that shhhtufid. And he thinks he's so guapo. He's so chaka-du kaya. We can use his baba to pry open the gates of Minas Tirith. Pero in fairness, ano kaya shamfu nya?

I finally figured out why they had to bring those 4000 sheep up the frigging mountain and why they couldn't camp above the treeline. Brokeback is only 24 pages long so it was easy to skim through. When I saw the film I had a hard time deciphering the Midwestern accent and figure out what was going on. (That and the fact that the old ladies next to us were noisily eating tacos!!) I also only realised that I got the ending oh so wrong. Well, forgive me because I don't have a gaydar. What's sad though is that one of my gay friends (yes there are lots, I'm very open and secure), third world twink Ashley, doesn't even have a frigging gaydar. Now that's really tragic. I'd invite him to a party and he'd hit on every straight guy in the room - Hoy titah, ang mga kamay itago, hindi mo sya kauri. Atska, konting fino, he's also the Greek Consul. It's like sending the Pacific Fleet off to war with nothing but a magnetised needle floating on a bowl of water to guide them. (Although I can't blame Ashley, he is after all from the third world, walang pambili ng radar dun, kulang budget.) Hoy Shokla, belated happy birthday!

That's gotta hurt.

5 comments:

Alternati said...

I have no idea who Pullman is. I'm gonna check him out next I drop by a bookstore, It may not even be available here now. They only sell books that have been turned into movies already.

I guess the name change of the Harry Potter book is America's way of being cute. If Brits can call a bathroom a loo or an elevator a lift, then why can't the Americans call a philosopher a sorcerer.

I don't buy CDs from the bangketa no, I download them, just as I wouldn't buy sayote, I would steal one from the neighbor then grow them in my backyard.

LOL at the Orc diary.

I still have no idea why they brought the sheep up there. It was a good movie but a little overrated.

I'm selling gaydars... cheap.

BTW, I tagged you. I don't know if you even do memes but I'm sure you'll find a way to make it work.





PS... My apologies for categorizing Wile E Coyote as a villain. (haha)

The Nashman said...

where are the memes? my blogspot is saw rudimentary.

is it supposed to appear in the big space between your last sentence and the ps?

i don't need gaydar. i'm more a pussy person....:D

The sheep had to eat and forestry rules meant no camping/campfires past the treeline. And that Jake character died in some manner but Heath was only imagining the cause of his death based on his experience growing up in a homophobic town.

Alternati said...

hehe. glad you found (and did) the meme.

Perhaps your friend might buy one, hitting on a straight Greek Consul, but with their names, I would have made a similar mistake. haha

Ow... the treeline. What I find laughable about the title is that its too close to "Bareback" and I can't help but chuckle when I hear it. I'm so immature. haha

Anonymous said...

Nash, ha. Ano na naman ang pinagkakalat mo tungkol sa akin. And, please, spare me the Greeks! (I wonder: Greece is considered a poor country in Europe but most of them are billionaires).

The Nashman said...

Hindi poor ang country na can-afford si Calatrava to design their bridges ano.