Tuesday, 12 December 2006

I eat so little. How come I crap too much?

False alarm kids. No bombs have been dropped. Just testing the wind tunnel.

On normal days, my breakfast consists of one cup of coffee (Ethiopian). I walk to my lab which makes me thirsty, requiring another cuppa (Java). A few hours later I have a very light lunch and tea (Darjeeling). Another cup or two of coffee (Colombian) in the afternoon. Then, I head home to cook a very healthy dinner. A mug of fruit infusion before going to bed. Three thousand calories a day. Maximum.

Yet, how come I seem to be shitting too much. I think I visit the loo every 20 hours. Intuitively, this seems to be breaking the first law of thermodynamics. Yet, physiologically, this is a good thing. I have a healthy bowel movement and my little brown babies are firm and well formed.

I should be thankful, really.

At least the shite is coming out of my anus.

This doesn't seem to be the case for the turon-munching Tongressman of the Republic of the Philippines. One wonders what hallucinogenic drug they are taking. The amount of crap that comes out of "Honorable" (gag reflex coming up) Tongressman Jose De Venecia's mouth can fill up the Grand Canyon fifty times over.

In fact, I should add the Philippine House of Congress to my tourist recommendations. It's the biggest cesspit in the world. Plus, where else can you see people who look like turds (Nograles, Pichay, to name a few) always wanting their fugly mug to be shown on television as they spew their verbal diarrhea on us poor citizens.

It's about time we flushed them away like the toxic excrement they really are.

Aaaaaanyways, before I get carried away, today's fabulous loo experience was at the second floor toilet of the Sackler Library. This library specialises in Archeology, Art History, and Classics. This explains why the words of wisdom etched in the crapper cubicle include Greek, Latin, and some Hebrew. Of course, there is always some illiterate buffoon who can only draw a penis (yes we know what it looks like it's a men's toilet, duh) but at least there is only one in this 'comfort room'. In some toilets, the graffiti is so uninspired that it's not worth it for my butt to warm up the toilet seat.....

At least while waiting for them corn-studded brown things to go scuba diving, there is something to read.

Ya, mon.

I agree, that librarian is kinda cute. No wonder I come here often. This isn't even my department's library.

You gotta love 16 years of Catholic education. No streak marks on my undies. Those priests taught us how to hide the evidence well. I even put my nose close to have a sniff - still smells like fabric conditioner.

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