Sunday, 28 January 2007
Blockbuster Transfer Finally Confirmed
There's a bigger headline than the one washed up English star past his prime moving across the pond......
Oxbarrio, England (via Reuters) - After delicate negotiations and a furious bidding war with a rival team, it has been confirmed today by PR/PA Gromit that The Nashman has been traded from the Tabora/Brookside Karayan Midgets United to the Oxbarrio Women's Team Two Basketball team. His multi-role duties involve coaching, trainer, ball boy, mascot, taga-masahe, taga-abot ng tubig, chief cheerleader, and motivational speaker.
French Team Captain Emilie said "We're very happy we've recruited The Nashman. He's got loads of experience playing with his balls and he's going to be an asset to the team. His stellar career in the Hobbit league has elevated our game to new heights."
Already, the team is handling the ball more fluidly and The Nashman has played one on one with the forwards helping them improve their inside game. "The Nashman will do for basketball in England what David Beckham will do for football in America." enthused PA/PR Gromit.
In documents leaked to the press, there were only minor details in The Nashman's contract which were quickly ironed out by both parties. The team will own 50% of income derived from The Nashman's image royalties. His request to get his own shower facility was turned down however. Forward Nicola explained that The Nashman agreed in the end to share shower facilities with the girls to foster team spirit. "The Nashman hates it when someone borrows his soap. He washes his face first and he's never sure what's the last place that bar of soap touched." grinned PA/PR Gromit. He added "He feels safer bending over though in the communal shower knowing that he's sharing it with girls than the muscle marys at the usual gym!"
"I'm not doing this for the money but for the love of the game. I know I'm old but I'm wiser now and ready to share my ball handling experience." said The Nashman. When asked if he felt it was kinda improper for The Nashman to be playing basketball with girls he emphasised "That's just sexist. These are some of the finest ball players I've played with in a long time. I came from a small league in the mean slums of Baguio playing with worn-out tsinelas. Through hard work, I've reached this stage, working with elite players. The girls are wonderful and some of them have patently abused me in the shaded lane with excellent penetration skills. Yes, I'm playing girls' basketball. It's very brutal. Lahat na parte na yata ng katawan ko na-tsansingan na nila dahil pisikal silang maglaro. Paminsan, merong pang halong gulang at hinahatak papababa ang aking shorts. Mamatay kayo sa inggit."
His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem, PA/PR Gromit (who acted as The Nashman's agent), and Kerry's monkey enjoy the scrimmages from the sidelines.
HRO Karl Willem, who was appointed team manager directs drills.
The girls are putting the ball in their hole much more confidently. Shooting percentages have shot up since The Nashman showed them how to finger the ball properly. "Don't shoot from the palm. let the ball roll off your fingers and be more aggressive attacking the hole to get the money shot."
The Nashman waves instructions. His patented Rectangle Offense was used to demolish Aston in Wednesday's game.
Team Karl Willem. Go fight go! Wu-ha!
Team Manager HRO Karl Willem gives postgame "There is no 'I' in 'team' speech.
at 4:36 p.m.