Sunday, 21 January 2007

The Nashman is Small but Perfectly Formed (Except for the spitting one-eyed microminiNashman everything else about him is perfectly proportioned)

PA/PR Gromit rushes to the paparazzi and tries to prevent them from taking pictures of The Nashman as they arrive at the Manor on Sunday.

Oxbarrio, England - Rumors have been circulating this past week of The Nashman's return to basketball after paparazzi photographs appeared on the web showing The Nashman wearing basketball trainers. PA/PR Gromit was quick to issue a denial that The Nashman joined a girls team for basketball scrimmages after he was spotted at the Bannister Sports Centre on Friday and The Cheney Gymnasium on Sunday. Both gyms are used as practice facilities by the University Women's Team Two Basketball Team.

PA/PR Gromit did however admit that The Nashman was using the Bannister track to get into shape for next month's Cross Country Relay Races. The Nashman missed last year's event due to injury. "The Nashman made an impressive debut in 2004 and was disappointed that he struggled the following year due to ill health and was forced out last year because doctors advised him not to run." said PA/PR Gromit to the assembled media in a hastily arranged press conference.

When asked about the Sunday incident when The Nashman arrived at the Manor holding his running trainers and wearing basketball shoes, PA/PR Gromit said that The Nashman is doing stretching and calisthenics exercises and prefers using basketball shoes because it grips the parquet flooring better. "Obviously, heaven forbid, we don't want The Nashman injuring himself doing lateral exercises. The right equipment must be used" added PA/PR Gromit. "The Nashman's focus is cross country and not basketball" insisted PA/PR Gromit.

One of The Nashman's friends, Kerry, who plays the forward position for the University's Team Two was less cautious when asked about The Nashman sightings in their practice facility. "He drops in on team practices because he is also training in the same gym. We asked for some tips on penetration* and he obliged." She refused to answer if The Nashman accepted any coaching or managerial duties for the team or scrimmaged with them.

When told of this PA/PR Gromit heaved a sigh of exasperation "No, The Nashman cannot coach or join scrimmages with any basketball team because he has a live contract with The Tabora/Brookside Barangay Karayan Midgets United."

The Nashman had a stellar basketball career as a player, playing for the Varsity team in Primary School before making the class team for every year in high school, posting double digit averages in minutes spent on the bench and steals/blocks against him. His competitive playing career was sadly shortlived and ended when he was diagnosed with the debilitating Hobbit's Disease which left him standing only 4'11" tall.

But like most Filipinos who have Hobbit's Disease, The Nashman has not given up on basketball and on rare occasions plays competitive pick-up games showing flashes of hoop brilliance and wizardry. He has an impressive 20-inch vertical leap. In Cambarrio, he played mixed basketball and was famous for giving the Australian National Women's Team player Megan a facial* before posterizing* her in one inspired and elegant defense-offense play.

Would he accept a team position with the women's team? PA/PR Gromit was guarded but gave this reply to reporters before ending the presscon "Rocky Balboa is back isn't he?"

PA/PR Gromit tried in vain to stop the paparazzi but The Nashman is photographed holding his running shoes and wearing basketball trainers.

HRO Karl Willem watches as PA/PR Gromit fields questions from reporters in a chaotic press conference. "Why is The Nashman playing basketball with girls? Isn't he afraid of being harrassed by fit women?" asked one naughty entertainment reporter.

*penetration = to cut into the shaded area for a high percentage shot attempt.
*facial = to embarass the opposite player by blocking her shot attempt
*posterize = to embarass the opposite player by with scoring with a fancy shot


Alternati said...

The Tabora/Brookside Barangay Karayan Midgets United


I guess the disease is escalating rapidly... from 4'-14" (Right Sidebar) to 4'-11"... you'll be Mahal's size in a couple of years.

Excuse me Mr. Gromit... does The Nashman play anything remotely like the adorable Steve Nash?

The Nashman said...

duh, hello? stiletto heels are banned in basketball courts hence i lose 3 inches.

everyone named nash is adorable...

Kerry said...

Lol! I heard that the Women's Two's Team signed him on as team mascot...

The Nashman said...

did they? i must be really cute and huggable then......