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Sunday, 14 January 2007

Slumber Party with Kerry's Monkey


Woohey, the gang's all here.

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem, PA/PR Gromit, and The Nashman joined Kerry's monkey for a slumber party to celebrate the beginning of the school year.

Things got off to a good start with Kerry magically producing an endless supply of meaty pizzas from the oven much the same way that the COMELEC sorcerer Garcillano pulled out a million spurious ballots for evil hobbit bitch GMA during the last elections.

No one wanted to go out into the cold to buy crystal meth and cannabis from the Kebab Van so we opted for the next best thing - random clips from youtube. Just when you thought you've forever left that weird decade called the 80s, with a click of the mouse et Voila! Debbie Gibson and big hair is back with a vengeance!

It started with a decent sing-along to Boyz to Men's "End of the Road" with me doing the 'narration' bit in my deepest bad-ass baritone voice "Girl, I'm here for you......Coz you just won't come back to me..." (Man, those 'spoken' bits in old songs are whack 'yo). Kerry freaked me out by remembering all the words to Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby".

Suddenly, it all went whooppee "Houston we have a problem, we are fucked out of orbit stoned" when Chenoa started playing the opening sequences of Carebears, Rainbow Brite, Jam, He Man, She Ra, all the way to Smurfs. The really saaad bit was that we knew all the lyrics.

And you know what really turned my drugged up drunk brain into mush? When Kerry pointed out that Pluto was Goofy's pet!!! And they're the same specie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello? Bring back Abraham Lincoln. That makes Pluto a slave!!!!

I think I lost my will to live after this revelation and passed out on the floor.


Roll out the barrel......

Booze, chocolate, and 80s clips from youtube....a very toxic cocktail..

Er, was I having my future read by a monkey?.......

Group hug everybody......

Kerry is spaced out as the dawgs continue with a fuzzy group hug....(Kerry's my personal Neuroscientist, she's helping me overcome my dyslexia because the Scientology treatment is just so expensivo.)


Passed out on the floor singing Debbie Gibson's "Eternal Flame"

As always, We Blame Canada!!

Impressively, I still managed to wake up at a respectable 8:30am in the morning with my dignity and chastity intact.

Alexandra is back from Cebu and dragged me to a greasy brunch in Chav central. She reported how fugly the ASEAN Cebu International Convention Centre is and that for the $10M it cost to build it, she complained that they could have at least hired a proper designer. The sad thing is that most ASEAN meetings are being held in a hotel anyway so the convention centre is going to be another 450M peso white elephant. (Well, it's Alexandra who is the Cebuana so I hope it's HER taxes that contributed to that concrete pimple in their island. MY taxes are better spent on more important items such as fake snow in Session Road (2M pesos a pop I heard), and a big obscene graven image on top of Mt. Sto. Tomas. You see, in the eyes of our loony politicians, there are no poor people in the Philippines to spend money on.)


Of all the things Alexandra could have gotten for me from the beloved Philippines home of the beautiful, the best she could come up with was two copies of YES magazine with twenty-fucking-two pages of C-list celebrity gossip. And I was still suffering from 80s hangover as "Flashdance" started playing in the background followed by that theme song to the movie "Mannequin". I have totally lost all my street cred in a span of 36 hours.

9 comments:

rene said...

uy! we have the same Yes! ish behind the Greta cover. didn't get the Greta one kasi she's only beautiful on the outside. and speaking of her not so beautiful inside, mukhang namana ng anak niya. just yesterday, saw her at a local mall. anak ng syoke, tatlo ang bodyguards! hindi naman siya kilala ng mga tao dun. but being the jologs that i am, nakilala ko pa rin. syet!

The Nashman said...

oh you missed a classic issue. get the gretch ish. it's such a fantasy article. she's from a different planet and makes Imelda Marcos normal. Her yayas use gloves handling her 'branded' items. i can't believe i spent 20 minutes of my life reading it. shet, if only gerry's elmer 2 arrived at my post today, then i would have read it over brunch....

the jester-in-exile said...

christ, nash...

pass me the booze, i think i'm going to barf on your magazines haha

The Nashman said...

Don't be too snooty, biatch. The Nashman is still from the 'hood.

Sidney said...

Wow! You don't drink cheap wine from the colonies! Fitou Réserve de la Condamine is a well balanced, medium bodied, rich wine, with hints of red fruit and spice... The Fitou wines are known for their quality amongst wine experts.

Those Belgian Fathers in Baguio learned you to choose your booze in style!

The Nashman said...

I drink wine as long as it's good. Vino Kulafu 1985 is particularly good.

I'm drinking old world wines at the moment because I need a new French visa and I need to suck up to them.

For Flipinoys, you couldn't go wrong with a Fitou because it's sweet, kinda like the tropics.

Those Belgian fathers are selfish. They wouldn't even share some bottles from their cases of Trappist beer. Fortunately, Catholic School has taught me it's okey to steal as long as you attend confession afterwards so back then, I would nick some of the mass wine in the sacristy. Our President GMA for example is a fine catholic school graduate. She steals, lies, and cheats but at the end of the day, she attends mass. And that is all that matters.

Paolosbrew said...

and when your power's in danger, you only have to say "im sorry, it's a momentary lapse of error and let's all kiss and make up"... booo..

you mean Goofy's a DOG?!!!

The Nashman said...

oo pare, ngayon lang naimulat sa aking mga mata na isang aso si goofy at kapwa nya aso si pluto.....hanep ng tama, di ako makatulog....parang si korina sanchez na kung tratuhin ang katulong eh iba eh pareho lang naman silang tao....?

The Nashman said...

ok, someone pointed out the pluto is technically micky mouse's pet.

but then again mickey and goofy are friends. so how does goofy react to pluto being a mere pet whenever he visits mickey?

reminds me of clinton palanca's essay on how society matrons talk about their alilang katulong over mahjong...