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Sunday, 29 April 2007

The Nashman Studies of Motion 31: The Nashman flies again.


His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit welcome you to their spring home...

Before I enthrall you, dear casual blog reader, with another sexylicious death-defying feat, let me tell you something about that rather shabby mansion behind HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit.

That is Winston Churchill's ancestral home. He was home delivered in one of the many rooms and was rumoured to be 2 months 'premature'. Another version says he was actually full term and this is what I tend to believe. This is something very typical in pseudo-conservative countries like my beloved Felepens, buntis muna bago kasal. I only know of ONE close friend who was not pregnant before the church ceremony. The fact that she was not pregnant doesn't mean she didn't fornicate with her then boyfriend though. Mas masarap kasi pag 'bawal'.

Most of my cousins were home delivered. I feel jealous and insecure because unlike them and Churchill who jumped out from the loins of their mothers ready to face the world, I was delivered in the frigging Notre Dame de Lourdes Hospital and had to be put in an incubator for 3 days while a convent of nuns implored divine intervention. I particularly loved my mother's recollection of me urinating on one of the sisters as she lifted me up to be blessed by some priest. (In case you were wondering, I had a congenital heart ailment. Kaya naman ang puso ko pag sinaktan, matagal maghilom.)

Anyways, should I find the ideal woman who would want to bear our children, I hope she decides to make it a home delivery. However, it is entirely her choice where she wants to open wide for some hand to pluck from her womb the little critter. I will only veto an unnecessary caesarean birth. This seems to be a growing trend. Either the mother is 'too posh to push' or has been misinformed by an unscrupulous private hospital that wants to earn more money. Unless you are not at risk, why would you want your stomach sliced open? (Ok, maybe you are into S&M.)

In one of HRO Karl Willem's hometowns (Holland), pregnant women are still given home birthing kits. The percentage of homebirths is something marvelously ridiculous, like 30-40%. This has some religious aspect to it though, apart from the usual benefit of not stretching the welfare health system. Apparently, this is a hang-up from the puritanical legacy that women should 'take the pain'. Matapos ang sarap, heto, iluwal mo sa pekpek mo. Not all religious puritan nutters were expelled to the Americas afterall. (May mga natira pailan-ilan sa Europa, pero buti nalang halos lahat ng gago, nag-immigrate sa Tate.) Whatevs, I think home birthing is a good thing.

Anyways, should you be unfortunate enough to belong to the wrong caste (as in hindi kayo close nina Duke of Marlborough), you have to pay a lot of kuarta just to get into the grounds. (£7.30 yata or 700 pesoses just to get through the gate to the 2100-acre estate, mas mahal pa kaysa pa-tsupa sa Baywalk, iba pa bayad if you want to get inside the house to make silip).

Fortunately for me, HRO Karl Willem is chummy with Tito Churchill's angkan so we can go in and out at will. This will change soon though as the new Harry Potter film is coming out and I've been told they shot some scenes here. Kaching! Kaching! I've seen those crazy fans and they will spare no expense. Kahit siguro gawing £15 entrance, go pa rin.

And now, let me continue on my amazing feat for the day.....

Don't cha wish your boyfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your boyfriend was a freak like me?(like me)
Don't cha (Don't cha baby)
Don't cha?

Don't cha wish your boyfriend raw like me? (raw)
Don't cha wish your boyfriend fun like me (big fun)
Don't cha?
Don't cha?


Get ready for take off and...

....come fly with me...

...let's fly, fly away...

Weather wise its such a lovely day....

You just say the words, and we'll beat the birds...
...Down to Acapulco bay

Its perfect, for a flying honeymoon - they say
Come fly with me, we'll fly we'll fly away

6 comments:

rene said...

kumanta pa si pareng frank habang lumilipad ka huh! animal!

The Nashman said...

big band schwing siempre....

Alternati said...

Was that the Sinatra or Buble version? Oh dear hobbit, you jump so high... or have you acquired the assistance of photoshop eraseable wires?

Don't go dissing my birth hospital. I was incubated as well for jaundice... I knew from birth I was of Khan heritage.

... matagal maghilom
wow, napakapoetic. :P

liz said...

now if only your dogs can jump that high, i will go away a more contented reader. saw this blog about a month ago and i must say it's the coolios. linked you already.

The Nashman said...

lukaret, anong photoshop! tse! frank sinatra siempre...sino ba si buble?

wow, thanks for the link...no link lasts though...eventually, i'll say something you'll find offensive..

liz said...

i rarely get offended dear. you can always try me. ^_^