Monday, 2 April 2007

Travel Diary: Birthday Week Day 8 - Survey Says, Stalkers, LSD, Currency

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit read the results of the Swiss Sex Survey...(ps. That top header shows the polar bear Knut. He's all over the papers.)

Today, His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem, PA/PR Gromit, and I were looking forward to a quiet train ride to Basel in our private caboose. Which was late by 26 seconds! and yes I saw it because I was looking at the Rolex wall clock in the train station. Well, I was on a German train after all bound for Frankfurt . You can't expect them to be as precise as the Swiss.

Aaaanywho, as we patiently waited for the train to chu-chu along (hmm, I think it's electric), a pretty girl opened wide our carriage door and asked Ist dieses freie? to which we sheepishly answered Ja. (O tukso, layuan mo ako!)

As if that weren't enough, another girl came in and asked to join us and sat next to HRO Karl Willem. Now. She. was. a. stunner.

(Don't look into her eyes! Don't look into her eyes! I't. She's much too beautiful....)

I think God was torturing me, tempting me, challenging me to dismiss my vows of purity and single blessedness. I seriously considered getting off at Baden instead of enduring such unjust and cruel punishment. (Let us assume for a moment that they weren't just stalking HRO Karl Willem and were magnetically drawn to our carriage because of my exotic beauty. Seriously, there were other empty couchettes which they could have chosen!)

Fast forward, 5 hours later. I had arrived in Basel, walked around, had lunch, crossed the Rhine twice on cable ferries, and was enjoying my afternoon coffee at that hip cafe Zum Isaak at Münsterplatz while admiring the Münster. (This cathedral contains Erasmus' tomb. Also, it has a statue of the Devil himself and his seduced maiden at the entrance. How cool is that for a church! Does your church have a life sized statue of Satan?)

And then......the very same girl who sat facing me on the train from Zurich and who I successfully avoided making small talk with even though the rest of my body was convulsing, walks by.

Our eyes meet and we recognise each other....

Now, statistics is not my best subject, but the odds of this random event happening is 1 in 508,750,000.

(Entry deleted.)

(I'll be smug! It's "Before Sunset" all over again.....)

(It's all too fresh, ang mga sugat, I can't bear to put it into my online diary.)

Before catching my midnight flight, I did some grocery shopping. I picked up some stinky cheese such as appenzeller (I'm telling you this smells like shit but I love the taste), wild rice, some chocolates, and German Vanity Fair (because they had that cute months-old polar bear Knut on the cover and in the centrefold! Yes, German Vanity Frigging Fair has a polar bear in the front cover!)

I was also looking to score Basel's best product - LSD. As a testament to the tonic effect of LSD, its inventor Dr. Albert Hofmann is still alive and well at age 101!!!!!!! Last year Basel celebrated his 100th birthday with a bang!...and presumably with a very interesting hangover. I didn't get any but thankfully I already had a lot of psychedelic Swiss goodies in my bag to smuggle across Fortress Britannia.

At the airport, I was pleasantly surprised that everything was cheap(?). I got bottles and bottles of moonshine to replenish my mini-bar - Pernod, Gewürztraminer, Fauchon boxes, etc. When I got to the counter I got sucker punched. I forgot that I was already in frigging France! My mind was doing coversion in Swiss Francs instead of the local more expensive Euro. Ugh! (Suki, gusto mu bili impurted na alak? Marami aku ditu!)

Among 11-16 age bracket, it appears more girls than boys get their first sexual experience earlier, this means there is more girl on girl action going on in Swiss boarding schools. Not surprising as another statistic says ~50% of Swiss girls have had one lesbo experience.

Wankers. You gotta love Swiss honesty. More than 90% of all Swiss, boys and girls, young and old, admit they give themselves some 'hand relief'. You could also deduce from this statistic that around 5% of Swiss don't have fully functioning hands. Baldado mga kamay nila. And don't you just love compound German words? Selbstbefriedigung - certainly much more pleasing to the ear than pagjajakol.

Flags adorn the Basel Rathaus (town hall)....

...where HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit were welcomed at the rooftop terrace.

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit on the east bank of the Rhine. There were lots of lovers on the quayside doing p.d.a. Pota, nilanggam ako sa mga ka-sweetan ng mga bata. Gusto ko silang itulak sa ilog. Shet.

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit on the west bank of the Rhine

Wonderful things on sale at the Condomerie on Rheinsprung. Just further down this street is the wonderful Elftausendjungfern-Gasse. (Really, those compound German words are so sexy). Translated, this means Alley of the 11 thousand virgins. Go figure.

HRO Karl Willem, PA/PR Gromit, und Die Nashman say Dunkcha to our gear fitters Helly Hansen, Leki trekking poles, Craghoppers, and Trezeta. We is alive!

We are also very thankful to The Couchsurfing Project 2.0. (Hey Jester, check this movement out! In fact, you should join! I've been pimping the beautiful Philippines.)

Big hugs to Markus, Alexandra, and Noah for the Liechtensteinen Hospitality.

Squatter SBS -Basel (Fight Capitalism!), sorry guys didn't have time to stay overnight. To those in Zermatt, sorry but the weather was good in the Bernese Alps.

HRO Karl Willem thanks all His web fans who took time out to have coffee with us wherever we were!


rene said...

bakit cheese ang appenzeller dyan? eh uminom ako ng mala-minty cough syrup na alcoholic drink named appenzeller in this small Swiss bar of the same name at alabang. muntik pa akong mapagkamalan na nag-aapply na waiter kasi di sinabi nang bossing naming Kano na pang-expat pala yung bar na yun.

The Nashman said...

appenzell is da village. so lahat ng galing dun eh appenzeller (queso, inumin, sausage). nag-uwi rin ako ng sinasabi mong appenzeller na aperitif, pampagana ng kain....

JP Loh said...

So Couch Surfing is the international term. I thought it was called backpacking.

Yes we all love to get packed from the back. Ah, packers.

the jester-in-exile said...

erm, nashman, unfortunately i don't have a couch for people to surf on.

The Nashman said...

for your sake, i hope you are being sarcastic. 'couch' is a metaphor.