Tuesday, 30 January 2007

What you weren't invited?..........(apparently even the punctuation mark for this title wasn't)

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit are throwing two parties with a stellar guest list. HRO Karl Willem's fantabulous dinner this Wednesday? There must be a reason.........

Finally, did anyone really notice if the Philippine Blogosphere went Offline last Saturday? (What a presumptious slogan.) Who are these peeps anyway? Do they represent? And what is an "a-list" blogger? I saw the guest list and I recognised only two blogs (mainly because they're from my friends and thankfully well written and informative). The Top of the Pops Pinoy blogs, you know - the ones that are really addictive, didn't even bother. It should have been called the 'guess' list. Ugh, it's like high school again with this cliquishness. Thank God I have my own cabal.....Sulong mga kapatid! Keep Blogging cool! Keep it Pure! Adsense and serial link tagging for stats are for losers.

Sunday, 28 January 2007

The Nashman Studies of Motion 20: A Special Performance of Swan Lake

The Nashman limbers up.

Really! Is there no end to The Nashman's talents?

In a very tight hallway surrounded by Dalek-looking freezers full of dangerous pathogens and mutant DNA, The Nashman executes a very technical and graceful performance of Swan Lake.

"The Nashman's young and nubile figure pirouetting and jumping so effortlessly is a thing of beauty. Bravo!" - Mikhail Baryshnikov

"He's positively orgasmic! I wish we could dance together" - Marianela Núñez, Royal Ballet.

"Yummy. We can do burlesque together"
- Dita von Teese

"The Nashman's amazing feats of flexibility have enlightened us and allowed us to add ten more pages to the Kama-Sutra." - Guru Bikram Choudhury

"Gasgas at sugat-sugat na mga labi ng pek-pek ko pero walang sinabi ang mga splits ko sa kanya!" - Mystica

Blockbuster Transfer Finally Confirmed

There's a bigger headline than the one washed up English star past his prime moving across the pond......

Oxbarrio, England (via Reuters) - After delicate negotiations and a furious bidding war with a rival team, it has been confirmed today by PR/PA Gromit that The Nashman has been traded from the Tabora/Brookside Karayan Midgets United to the Oxbarrio Women's Team Two Basketball team. His multi-role duties involve coaching, trainer, ball boy, mascot, taga-masahe, taga-abot ng tubig, chief cheerleader, and motivational speaker.

French Team Captain Emilie said "We're very happy we've recruited The Nashman. He's got loads of experience playing with his balls and he's going to be an asset to the team. His stellar career in the Hobbit league has elevated our game to new heights."

Already, the team is handling the ball more fluidly and The Nashman has played one on one with the forwards helping them improve their inside game. "The Nashman will do for basketball in England what David Beckham will do for football in America." enthused PA/PR Gromit.

In documents leaked to the press, there were only minor details in The Nashman's contract which were quickly ironed out by both parties. The team will own 50% of income derived from The Nashman's image royalties. His request to get his own shower facility was turned down however. Forward Nicola explained that The Nashman agreed in the end to share shower facilities with the girls to foster team spirit. "The Nashman hates it when someone borrows his soap. He washes his face first and he's never sure what's the last place that bar of soap touched." grinned PA/PR Gromit. He added "He feels safer bending over though in the communal shower knowing that he's sharing it with girls than the muscle marys at the usual gym!"

"I'm not doing this for the money but for the love of the game. I know I'm old but I'm wiser now and ready to share my ball handling experience." said The Nashman. When asked if he felt it was kinda improper for The Nashman to be playing basketball with girls he emphasised "That's just sexist. These are some of the finest ball players I've played with in a long time. I came from a small league in the mean slums of Baguio playing with worn-out tsinelas. Through hard work, I've reached this stage, working with elite players. The girls are wonderful and some of them have patently abused me in the shaded lane with excellent penetration skills. Yes, I'm playing girls' basketball. It's very brutal. Lahat na parte na yata ng katawan ko na-tsansingan na nila dahil pisikal silang maglaro. Paminsan, merong pang halong gulang at hinahatak papababa ang aking shorts. Mamatay kayo sa inggit."

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem, PA/PR Gromit (who acted as The Nashman's agent), and Kerry's monkey enjoy the scrimmages from the sidelines.

HRO Karl Willem, who was appointed team manager directs drills.

The girls are putting the ball in their hole much more confidently. Shooting percentages have shot up since The Nashman showed them how to finger the ball properly. "Don't shoot from the palm. let the ball roll off your fingers and be more aggressive attacking the hole to get the money shot."

The Nashman waves instructions. His patented Rectangle Offense was used to demolish Aston in Wednesday's game.

Team Karl Willem. Go fight go! Wu-ha!

Team Manager HRO Karl Willem gives postgame "There is no 'I' in 'team' speech.

The Past 48 hours

Friday Morning greeting my neighbours. I don't suppose you fancy some ice cream?

Friday lunch with my homies - Kerry, Teodora, and Sarah D. I had coulibiac of salmon and spiced baked aubergine with cous cous. The girls were disgusting - they had chips and yet remain sexier than me!

Kerry demonstrates the wrong way to eat peas.

The proper way to eat peas - balancing it on the OTHER side of the fork. I can't blame Kerry though. She didn't go to Swiss Finishing School like I did.

Friday night pre-cinema dinner. All vegetarian - including the beef which comes from the finest vegetarian cows in Ireland.

Saturday morning Pinoy Breakfast - Definitely not possible to have it in bed! The day I find a girl willing to let me eat pinoy breakfast in bed is the day I go to heaven.

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit are baffled by this stinky dried fish. The Nashman loved every bit of it!

Saturday dinner of Portugese sardines in olive oil plunked on rice and sprinkled with chili powder and zapped in the microwave. The Nashman was too lazy to prepare a Michelin-starred meal.

Belatedly reading the Saturday papers. With apologies to Swiss cartoonist Patrick Chappate, I annotated his editorial cartoon for the Philippine setting.

Saturday night coffee at G&D's.

1am Sunday Morning: Calling it a day after doing an hour of lab experiments.

Thursday, 25 January 2007

The Nashman Studies of Motion 19: SuperNashman Flies Again

Behold, The Nashman shows his powers of levitation.

With intense concentration, The Nashman is able to levitate....

...the lights go off, as The Nashman absorbs the energy needed to keep him floating.....

....his shirt vaporises, exposing his love handles.....

The Nashman the Amazing!

Wednesday, 24 January 2007

My tongue licked something sweet, pink, and juicy....... afternoon donut of course.

Tonight, His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem's lawyer, Tedi, hosted a pizza and pasta dinner at the Manor. The Nashman promised her this last week but being the absent-minded dork that he is, forgot all about it until midnight last night. Understandably, Tedi was pouting. HRO Karl Willem apologises for this oversight. HRO Karl Willem will never let his loyal fans down. Especially someone as beautiful as Tedi.

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit await the guests while The Nashman slaved in the kitchen.

HRO Karl Willem's counsel cuts the dessert. The Nashman thinks she is sabotaging his training program by bringing delicious cake. Must burn all the evil calories.

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit group hug with pretty Houria.

Historians discussing Tacitus and The Roman Empire. Josh and Caillan speaking in Latin.

One and a half inches of joy......(and no, it's not about part of The Nashman's anatomy)

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit take an early morning walk on virgin snow.

The headless snowman

Well, we did try our best but global warming meant the snow wouldn't last past 9am.

It was fun while it lasted. Short and sweet. Kinda like The Nashman.

Tuesday, 23 January 2007

The Nashman Studies of Motion 18: Funk Soul Brother Redux - It's midnight, do you know where your kids are?

Check it out now..

the funk soul brother

right about now

the funk soul brother

I've been inhaling the lab chemicals again...

They love me. They really do. Thaaaaaank yoooooooooou!


yeah baby....

Word to your mutha.....