Thursday, 31 May 2007

Take away, good-a.....

My gawd. I've been under the weather for two weeks!

Bote nalang naglipana ang mga kaibigan nating Tsekwa. Fota, kaysarap ng noodle soup with chili oil and roast duck.

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit smell our Chinese dinner.

Vanishing act. Shet, simot. Pati kaluluwa nung lalagyan nahigop namin.

Take two of the red and yellow capsules and one of the orange and yellow capsules. Mali yata gamot nainum ko. Nilalagnat pa rin ako pero super tigas ng titi ko.

Hate Mail

Yes, I occasionally get hate mail.

Maybe it's because of my politics (libertarian, card carrying member of Amnesty International), my extra-curricular activities (holidays in exclusive places) or that my friends are beautiful.

"Naku si Nash, dati yagit lang yan sa Baguio. Ngayon akala mo na kung sino..."

I will reply by typing slowly so you can understand me...

Puleeeeeez....Hoy, at least ako yang mga yan pinaghirapan ko at kung pikon ka rin lang huwag ka ng sumali sa mga debate tungkol sa ating Inang Bayan at kung wala rin lang naman laman utak mo hwag mo ng ipa-obvious! Betch, I can afford to shop at Zegna ng walang guilt dahil pera ko naman yun. Kaya ka lang naman nakapag-aral sa Ewan Fashion School sa Zone 4 ng London eh dahil politiko ang tatay mo sa isang fourth class municipality. At hindi na aangat yun sa isang third class municipality dahil ang iyong winawaldas sa Topshop at Gap ay galing sa kaban ng bayan...

Wednesday, 30 May 2007


In a span of two weeks I gave three presentations and three interviews. Yesterday after my morning talk I was so drained that I did the unthinkable. I overdosed on caffeine pills and crashed when the high wore off. I must be getting old as 5 years ago when I was 20, these events were just walks in the park. (I didn't really want to get caffeine pills, I was looking for glucose tablets that long distance athletes use but it was the first thing I saw.)

When I awoke later in the evening from my caffeine pills overdose the first thing that popped in my brain was that the Tour de France was on soon. And so I decided to shave my legs. I did so quickly and automatically before pausing at my groin region. I had 10 seconds to think, Hmmm, is this necessary, I don't have a girlfriend at the moment...but then...might as well.

When I got out of the shower, very aerodynamic, with smooth legs and no pubic hair, it dawned on me "Wait, I'm actually NOT going to join the Tour de France......"

So there, the moral of the story: Don't overdose on caffeine pills. Although I must say, it's good to have completely shaved pubes. I normally only shave the ballsack. I just realised now that if you shave everything, it does look bigger...

This morning I was late for class. Not that it mattered. I was giving the class. It starts when I say it starts. O ha, taray. I ended the day with a big headache and couldn't even drink alcohol.

Shame, wine at the college today was good vintage. I had to tip my glass or our fantastic head Butler will just keep on serving the vino....

Our chef makes veggies look sexy....


More sugar I say....

Tuesday, 29 May 2007

Don't judge me by my cover. I am not a book....

If you ever have the misfortune of bumping into me in a public space where the masses congregate, you'd be forgiven in saying "Ay, so panget naman si Nashman in person. Suplado pa."

People are aware that I use the terms 'chaka' and 'fugly' all too often to describe the undesirables in society. I would like to clarify that this does not necessarily refer to conventional beauty. I for example find Ruffa G. and Kris A. super-chaka to the max because I find their vanity too repulsive. I wonder why Kris didn't seem to inherit Ninoy's brains. What's that? Oh, it's splattered over the tarmac, you say. (Ok, a tastless joke but you get the drift.)

And there are just certain places that seemingly attract hordes of dumb ugly people. Starbucks for example is Chakapolis to me. Bitch, they charged you $2.50 for goat urine. Why on earth are you smiling?

Of course there are people who are as fugly outside as inside. Prospero Pichay and Mike Defensor quickly come to mind. Sadly, there are lots of these sorts. You would think that someone as severely 'handicapped' as them in the looks department would at least make some effort to be nice human beings. But nooooooooo.

Which brings me to what I really want to say today. The foods I love (Philippine cuisine for example) are generally ugly-looking. But it's a different matter altogether when you taste them.

I'm not a matinee idol, true. But once you get to know me as the person and not the iconic online brand, I'm confident you'll find me charming, sweet, adventurous, and submissive to certain arrangements that you might find pleasurable.

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit closely examine our latest creation. It looks like the drooping vaginal labias of an old hooker....

...but my God. It's so good, we'll lick it anytime.

Bruschettas with olive tapenade, buffalo mozarella, and anchovies popped in the oven.

Like Rowan says, the taste kinda lingers long after you've had them.

Badabing, badaboom!

Ok. If you didn't get that last joke, it's in the same vein as:

Why did Nivea Creme?

A: Because Max Factor.

Still didn't get it? My gawd, heto na nga....

Monday, 28 May 2007

Come lick The Nashman's dark brown banana.....

Let it linger in your mouth to release its sweet juices.


If this doesn't give you pleasure, nothing will.

Halina't kamayin, tikman at lunikin ang matamis na katas ng saging ni Nashman habang ito'y mainit pa.


...ngem naimas....

mmmmmm. Nag-imas ti saba ni Nashman.

Sunday, 27 May 2007

I miss Baguio and my friends.

So it's karaoke night with The Nashman.....showing clips of Baguio City and His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem's closest friends...

ps. Thanks to Aegis....

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem turns 4

HRO Karl Willem chose to drink Oranjeboom for his birthday toast.

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem turned 4 last Tuesday but the big official celebration will be in Buzios, Brasil late next month. Should you be in Rio de Janiero and its environs, give us a call and we'll pick you up. PA/PR Gromit got us a nice apartment next to the Briggitte Bardot beach.

HRO Karl Willem alternates his traditional quiet birthday lunch between Amsterdam and Stockholm but obviously, we are cutting down on our carbon footprint this year and opted instead to take the Number 69 morning train to London to go to a Dutch pub. (Yes, the 7:05 train from Oxbarrio to London Paddington is number 69).

De Hems is London's only Dutch pub. Many of the beers here are Flemish or Trappist.

Bitterballen, Dutch Pulutan containing the unmentionable innards of animals. Every culture has some weird food. Nothing like Balut though...

Saturday, HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit went for another rowing session. This time, going downstream for a picnic...

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit patiently wait for the Beast of Burnham.....

..The Nashman! Rower extraordinaire.

PA/PR Gromit proposes a champagne toast to HRO Karl Willem on the occasion of his 4th Birthday.

In other news, the Oxbarrio Orchestra held a performance aimed at Geeks. (Like me.)....

Movie themes! Starting From Russia with love, to the caped crusader, to boy wizards, to pirates, to saber-wielding jedis...

...and I must say that 3 of the violinists were hotness!!!! I had to go meet them after the performance. I wanted to see them fingering their instrument up close.....

Friday, 25 May 2007

Lesson for the day

May aral na mapupulot sa blog na ito!

In a nutshell: Adequate stimulation of the scrotum is needed for the adequate ejaculation of semen and for normal sperm counts.

What to do: Shave your scrotum! It's not fun for a girl to stimulate it with all those hairs!

The scientists used love rats.

Thursday, 24 May 2007

President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo unveils her new vegetable...

Shufer sharap ng mga gulay sha aking kangkungan - Pres. Arroyo.

The bitch herself, Gloria Macapal Arrovo, unveiled today live via Garcillano Technologies' Low Earth Orbit Muchacho Satellites a new species of weed found only in the Philippines.

Prospero Pichay of the Genus Trapus Kurakutus, species Tongressman was presented to the media in a glittering ceremony in the kangkungan of Malacanan Palace. This was attended by legal luminary SiRaulo Gonzalez, Supersipsip Mike Ulol Defensor, Chaos mathematician Ben Abalos, and the usual dregs of society.

Public Service Announcement: "200Million pesos found in drain. Will anyone who lost 200Million pesos please come forward."

Pray, do tell.....

Who is in the mood to write a thesis on a beautiful day like today? We can just sit here all day and watch the tourists go by, wishing they were us, sitting here all day procrastinating.

Ugh, I wish we had face police in the square though. Lots of plain looking people wearing t-shirts and socks with sandals. What up with that? You come from the self-proclaimed "Greatest country in the world." Get some decent clothes at least.

Where are the pretty natives? Surely, God doesn't expect me to look at the mirror all day......

(Reality check: I'm as fat and fugly as the worst of them. But at least I'm wearing a classic Dunhill shirt and retro trousers. If you ignore my orc-like face, with my get-up I can at least land on page 59 of Vanity Fair. And although I believe that "Ang tae, balutin mo man ng ginto, tae pa rin", I give myself maximum points for effort in covering up my fugliness with bling.)

Discovery Channel Live

Everyday, at dusk, a den of fox puppies come out to play just below my window. I've been religiously watching them for three weeks. They grow up so fast! And they're cute too! I've got lots of video footage of them play-fighting and grooming each other.

They are such adorable puppies and fun to watch! Except for the mother, who I guess is wary of humans, the little puppies just look at me with their puppy eyes. I quickly give them half of whatever food I have.

I'm going to let them grow for a couple more weeks before I harvest them for their fur and for three weeks' supply of azucena....(Mwahahahaha! - evil Mr. Burns laughter...)

Ok. Just kidding. I'm a dog lover. I need to give them names now.......

Monday, 21 May 2007

Another Nashman World Record Attempt.

Below freezing temperature.

High altitude.

Frozen lake.

Kids, don't do this at home.

Sunday, 20 May 2007

Ya, mon.

Let His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit show you some pretty pictures.

Jester (Pierre Tito Ga*a in real life) has subscribed me, against my wishes, into that blogger past time of "tagging". Apparently, I'm supposed to divulge "6 Weird Things About Me". This is a shameless attempt on his part to piggyback on my well-loved and critically-acclaimed blog, mainly for the purpose of him getting more hits on his site. Casting aside the obvious animosity and vitriol between us that dates back to high school, I reflected for a moment on the meme.

And I have come to the conclusion that I can't think of anything I do that is considered "Weird". In fact, I'm a little bit disappointed at my lack of otherworldliness. I would have loved to have listed supernatural traits such as:

1. I take a bath in a tub filled with the milk of lactating ferrets at precisely 7:21pm each day while 3 castratos serenade me with April Boy Regino songs.
2. When having sex with my girlfriend, I really like it when she lubricates her strap-on with the saliva of Komodo dragons.

Of course, it may just be a question of semantics, but I read Jester's list and those who had the misfortune of being tagged and not one of them, based on their lists, are weird. Although some of them can give Kris Aquino a run for her money in terms of self-drama and hyperbole. ("Alam mo Tito Boy, muntik akong mamatay at nangailangan ng 12 na duktor dahil nabali ko ang kuko ng hinliliit ko...blah blah".)

Yes, The Nashman is fairly normal.

Speaking of self-drama, I too had my fair share yesterday. I had this craving for goat curry and scoured the vibrant immigrant quarter of Oxbarrio for ingredients. I went to the Moroccan, Kurdish, Indian, Jamaican, and Russian delis but couldn't find the wretched beast. (Well, goat in a Russian deli was unlikely but I did find some bestiality DVDs.) I was about to give up when I saw a man with dreadlocks leaving another grocer. Surely, that last store had goat. Sadly, I was too late. The dreadlocked man took away the last batch of the day. The butcher offered me mutton instead which he said was halal. I told him I also wanted kosher and he assured me that the mutton was circumcised. I looked at the leg of mutton and felt an overpowering but transient guilt that an animal had to die to nourish me. I scheduled myself for confession. Happy that I had faithfully adhered to all the religious dietary requirements of my Abrahamic faith, I took home 2 pounds of mutton...

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit appraise this year's Oxfordshire ArtsWeek output from the undergrads.

HRO Karl Willem's and PA/PR Gromit's critical opinions are sought after by new artists willing to break into the big league. They can catapult or sink one's career.

Should you be in Oxbarrio for the next two weeks, let HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit show you the highlights from the hundreds of mini-arts exhibits around the Shire. (Remember, Mika was just a lounge singer before HRO Karl Willem spotted his talent.)

Redemption! This is the love!

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit first marinate the mutton in spices then Stir it up, little darling stir it up into mouthwatering curry... Ganja optional

HRO Karl Willem guards the saffron rice while PA/PR Gromit fries some sweet plantains. (We have to store our saffron in a Swiss bank vault. Some fellow Filipinos might steal our stash, replacing it with kasuba...)

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit admire their handiwork. With so much trouble in the world, you don't have to wait in vain for some love, let The Nashman cook you up some soul food to lively up yourself. Then, let's turn the lights down low and I'll let you rock my boat...

Okinnas na, nag-imas! Kasla di perst taym mo nga nag-iyot. Malipatam ti nagan ni nanang mo. Umali kayo, mangan tako!

Saturday, 19 May 2007

Do you know what's annoying with His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit?........

....they're frigging chick magnets.

Like tonight, we went to a gala at the museum where HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR are patrons and even before they settled down, girls were swarming all over them!

This happens every time. We can't even get a decent photo-shoot. Oh well, I guess I'll have to learn to live with it. It's one of the little sacrifices I have to make...

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit pose as female civilians rush to make our visit comfortable.

Look, we made butterflies! Aw, bless.....

Roben Leche: Laypstayls op da wretched and paymoooose. Welcome to our Crebs..

Oy, welcome to our humble mansion....

The End of The World is Nigh....

Number of people who attended my 3-4pm talk: 23
Number of people who attened Roderick's 4:30-5:30pm talk: 312

I feel depressed that more people attended Roderick's lecture than mine. Okay, he won the Nobel Prize (Chemistry) in 2003, but that's not the point.

I feel so little, insignificant, superfluous, an imperfection that Sergio Pininfarina polishes off from from the Ferrari F40, the unwanted 'retaso' that Ermenegildo Zegna snips from his suit, the slab of marble that Michelangelo chisels away from his masterpiece, the piece of footage that Hitchcock cuts from his film, the one little packet of panty liner in Giselle Bundchen's handbag that she'll never use...

(Pota, ginawa lang akong opening act. Hello! Fwidi va, I'm always the main event!! Hindi ako character actor na Bella Flores! Nora Aunor ang vwuti ko! Tangna, Headliner ako! Tapos, after my 1 hour pagdada-dada super vongga lecture na nilalangaw, merong girlash andaming tanong about my lecture. Shet konwari ka pa, eh nakita kong natutulog ka during my lecture. Bote sana kung maganda ka at bibigyan pa kita ng one-to-one tutorial. Chaka doodle-do ka naman! Tse yang mga tanong mo about quantum pheseks, pahula mo nalang kay Madame Auring!)

Anyways, thank God I have this blog. I can wallow in my self importance.

(Although, I think this is typical of all Pinoy blogs. I mean look at the Pinoy Top Blogs, or the winners of The Philippine blog awards or the much hyped about "Influential Pinoy Blogs". Who reads these shite? Only in my beloved Philippines can you find a Blogging Summit. I mean get over it. You have a blog. So what? If it's any good it will be discovered and appreciated on its own merit.)

Aaaaaaaaaanyways, enough of the bad vibes. The Central Committee for Happiness had cocktails tonight. In three weeks time, I'll be a mere civilian. Handing down the keys of power to the new government....

Reserved for El Comandante Nashman.

I brought my brand of Banana Republic leadership to Oxbarrio. While the peasants eat hand to mouth, the Politburo immerse themselves in decadance. As the Filipino Tongressman says to the mabahong masa "Let them eat Turon!"

The new El Comandante, Irishman Dave. S and the new Social Secretary Ceri. H. I leave a proud Socialist student government to a Labour Party Socialist (the real labour party before Tonio Blair shifted it to the bushes.). Bizarrely, Ceri is a Conservative. So we are looking at something similar to Mitterand's Cohabitation government. We have to be nice to her though as her National party leader also belongs to our college and we need the nepotism.

It's truly odd that I do politics here. Back in Saint Louis University, not once did I vote for anything. (As if naman it's worth my time eh walang predom of anything sa isang Katolik unebersete noh.)

But let me end all rumours. Hindi po ako tatakbong alkalde ng Lipa, Batangas. This is my first and last foray into the murky world of politics. Babalik na po ako sa pagiging artista. Teka, gawa muna ako ng pelekola, laki ng talo ko sa senatorial election. Let's make a movie called "Kapitan Barbel Plays Tatlong Baraha Part 3: So help me god make bawi the milyones I lost."

Wait! One last dig! Hoy Pichay, sana nga gumastos ka ng 200M pesoses! Nyahahahahahah! Sana ginastos mo nalang yan sa pagpapa-retoke ng panget mong mukha.

Friday, 18 May 2007

I love Nina Persson!

.....not just because she's a pretty Swede but because she sorta looks like Kirsten Dunst but a lot dirtier...phwaor....

parang hango sa buhay ko yung lyrics. buti nalang wala pa ito nung last break-up ko.

Thursday, 17 May 2007

Blackmail - Gang bang orgy......

Would anyone believe that these people engaged in debased acts are now important people in society?

(Well, except for The Nashman who has chosen to NOT finish his course early!)

Bottom to Top:

1. Nemanja - The Bioscientist turned Mathematician. Now Consultant/Analyst for big German Bank. Currently the bank's country representative to Serbia. Handles M & A accounts with companies valued close to £500M. Flies to Oslo from London just for lunch.

2. Alexandra - The Archeologist. Just discovered an important artifact in some idyllic island in the Mediterranean. All over the Greek papers. It must be the holy grail. Book nearly finished. Now offered big job in Athens and Copenhagen.

3. Issy - The journalist. About to leave Oxbarrio to join influential German think-tank in Washington DC

4. The Nashman - All he has is this blog........and sayote plantations in Baguio....

Taken 2 years ago. how time flies......ay kaysarap....

I'll miss our little slumber parties....

The dangerous driving....

The drunken antics....(damn, that Serbian dude is frigging tall!!!)

...and the shameless pornography....

Cheers guys. I'll join you in the real world when I'm ready. Right now, there are hotter undergrads who need my guidance.....

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

Slow news day.....

At 12 noon today, Nico inherited the launch codes for France's nuclear arsenal. The rest of Europe trembles in fear at France's shift to the right....Fortunately, if rumors are to be reality, he will appoint a Socialist, the founder of Medicins sans frontieres as Foreign Secretary. This is good.

I don't normally discuss my politics in something as vacuous as a blog but today I begin my victory lap. It's my last term as supremo. Much as I like to become emperor for life as my Filipino genes are screaming at me to do, I will step down in July. (And no, my wife/cat/dog won't replace me as they do for Pinoy political dynasties.) Yes, a poor boy from the mean slums of Baguio is the longest serving student supremo at an Oxbarrio college.

Speaking of politics, it took France 24 hours to count 35 millions votes which they really DIDN'T have to do because Segolene conceded based on EXIT POLLS alone. So if Gloria Macapal Arrovo, that cheating bitch pretender of the throne we have in my beloved Las Islas Filipinas, thinks that her team of muchachos can win 12 senate seats contrary to early official results and exit polls, I will probably take off my gloves and start a revolt.

And who are those fucktards who made Chavit Singson number 1 in Maguindanao? No wonder it remains a frigging third class province! Chavit Singson can't even win in his own Region!!!! Naku pwede ba, nu kay-kayat yo met laeng ni Chavit, uray bagi yon! Shet lukdet. Shura my ass! Shura is arabic for "consultation" NOT "intimidation" of voters as what those idiotic Maguindanao warlords did to their citizens.

But enough about my personal life:

Q: What is the definition of suspicion?
A: A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field.

Q: What is the definition of innocence?
A: A nun working at a condom factory thinking that they're making sleeping bags for squirrels.

Dinner in hall today was excellent......

My favourite seat at the end of the table where I won't be noticed....

I normally require that the food served is not something that I myself can cook....

Sige, lafang ng lafang, mga patay gutom....

10,000 calories straight to the belly....