Wednesday, 31 October 2007

Pet Peeve

Why do communications companies, who should know their basics, misuse the term bandwidth????

'Site owner exceeding his bandwidth limit???? How is that physically possible? I don't think this is a 'bandwidth' problem. Is there a new definition for 'bandwidth' that I should know about??

(PS. Kahit expired na ECE PRC license ko, siguro naman I still know what bandwidth means.)

Panawagan: GMA's London Lakwatsa

Last year, as a private individual, I wrote to all leaders of the major parties drawing attention to Ms. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's despicable human rights record and disregard for the rule of law. A portion of my email to the then PM was:

"I hope the British Government will take this opportunity to condemn in the strongest language possible the increasing number of extrajudicial killings of journalists and non-government organisation workers in the Philippines. This year alone Amnesty International has documented 50 (and counting) murders of activists and civil servants and there are many more cases of disappearances and warrantless detentions. Recently, Reporters Without Borders has pointed out that the Philippines is the second most dangerous country for journalists after Iraq.

The government of Gloria Macapagal Arroyo has failed and refused to resolve these gross human rights violations. More importantly, to further the open secret that her government is complicit in these crimes she has appointed a notoriously violent Military General ,Jovito Palparan, as a national security adviser.

Contrary to Ms. Arroyo's public posturing, the sad reality is that the rule of law is being flaunted under her authoritarian regime. Her government has not been honest and transparent and she has dealt with peaceful opposition and genuine disatisfaction to her policies with an iron fist.

These are not the hallmarks of a free and democratic society...."

Plainly put, GMA is one of the most corrupt presidents of the post-Marcos era. And thank God for the Internet, because her vile record will forever be easily accessible to remind generations upon generations. She deludes herself by saying her unpopularity is due to the tough decisions she has to make running (more like ransacking) the country. Duh, wake up Madame Saruwoman. Your unpopularity and the criticisms you get are simply because you are corrupt, a liar, and a cheat. Pwede ba.

Her lack of legitimacy and moral ascendancy to govern forces her to dip her bloody hands into government coffers to bribe spineless congressmen and she continues to exploit an equally corrupt and incompetent military hierarchy as her personal army to suppress genuine dissent.

This year, she's back to have tea with the Queen. It's time to sharpen those pens and write your local MP, Clarence House, Buckingham Palace, and The House of Parliament (addresses on their respective websites) informing them of your revulsion to Ms. Arroyo's corruption and continuously declining human rights record.

Remember, like me, you DON'T have to be a member of any NGO, Party List Group, or any Union for that matter. Do it because it's the right thing to do.

(And if the Luli Internet Brigade is trawling this, don't bother sending me an invitation. Like last year, I'd rather be outside in the cold than eating turon with corrupt trapos. And yes, I'm happy that with pressure from Pinoy groups in Europe, the NO high ranking official dared sully their reputation by meeting GMA. Inisnab siya. Be bote nga.)

You can send snail mail......

...or message the PM via his Downing Street website....

...or send a message to your local MP

Tuesday, 30 October 2007

Culinary Advice 101

Acquaintances lucky enough to have tasted and stolen the recipe for The Nashman's Majestic Chicken Wings Adobo want to know what wine should be served to accompany such a superb dish.

Should it be a sweet and dry Gew├╝rztraminer threshed between the hips of undulating virgins from the Alsace, or a bold Bardolino Classico Superiore squeezed by the bosoms of the amorous girls of Verona?

I say, the best tipple to make those soft slivers of soy and garlic infused chicken slide smoothly down the throat into the expectant tapeworms you harbour in your belly is Eight O'Clock Orange Juice....or if you are really posh, Ritchie's Orange Juice Concentrate diluted 10 times. It's sooooo Pinoy. Mmmmmm.

Confession: We can't find Ritchie's or Eight O'Clock in Middle Earth so we had to settle for the more inferior freshly squeezed Sevilla Oranges. Sigh. I want those E-numbers and artificial colourings! (Diba Ashley? Kahit pa-Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee pa ako pressed in a designer cafetiere every so often, paminsan-minsan I long for Blend 45 served in it's very own bottle. Mag-ipon ka lang ng anim na napag-ubusan na bote ng Blend 45, isang crystal set na.)

Monday, 29 October 2007


In Soho is a Vintage Magazine shop that sells classic magazines and comics in good condition. It also has a very good collection of retro porn/erotica.

Why collect retro porn/erotica? Two reasons really:
1. Photoshop was developed in 1986.
2. The fourth generation silicone breast implants were released in 1985. They were less likely to leak than previous iterations.

Ergo, porn/erotica released before 1986 contain:
1. Unretouched photos
2. Real boobies.

Unless of course you prefer special-effects laden masterpieces like:

Galing, hindi halata ang putoshop. It's apt that this computer wizardry was used by Ginebra. Isang tagay lang ng Ginebra ay gumaganda ka na sa paningin.


What the fuck????? Barangay elections!!!! An election for Kapitan and Kagawads, the fundamental unit of Philippine politics.....rotten to the core.

...oh wait, Sam, Piolo, and The Box are trapped in the closet.....hmmm, surely that's more important....or the Malu Fernandez issue....or Teri Hatcher's babalu....

What? No more diplomas? Surely Kevin Nadal has another petition to get money back from the corrupt Tongressmen of the Philippines...(Manong Morris Domogan, please resign for accepting palace bribes!)

Yes folks, the Pelepens has no money for education, yet it can give worthless, GMA ass-licking idiots half a million pesos each for eating turon in the largest circus hall in the world: The Batasang Pambansa.

Things I learned at lunchbreak

1. Microsoft has bought 1.6% of Facebook for $240M. This means Facebook, our number one procrastinating tool, is worth $15B.......

2. In Mugabe's alternate universe of Zimbabwe, the economy is so bad that a joint of marijuana costs LESS than a cigarette.

3. Gloria Macapagal Cheater-Liar Arroyo is having an affair with Mike Defensor. But isn't that old news already?

4. Add this to the list of fake boobs, fake buttocks, and fake genitalia in California: The FEMA stages a fake press conference to boost its image.

Coitus Interruptus - Mga Pampawalang-gana

Kring.... Kriiing..... Kriiiiiiiiing.

The Nashman: Uhm, hello Ma. I'm sorta in the middle of something. Is it anything important?
Mother: Wala naman. Today is Barangay Election. L*** is running for kagawad, U***** for kapitan. Your name is still on the voters list.
Frau: whispers: Oh, the turtle has retreated to his shell. Is it something your mother said?
The Nashman: Ma, can you do me a favour, signal is choppy, can you ring my phone again....

Set phone to vibra mode.

Hand mobile phone to Frau. Here, I think I lost my libog..finish yourself off. I'm going to the woods to forage for mushrooms.

Biset na barangay elections yan.

Nasayang nanaman ang lobo. Piso pa naman isa. Pinambili ko nalang sana ng pishball.

Sunday, 28 October 2007

Fairy Cakes

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit drink tea while waiting for the freshly baked sponge cakes to cool.

It's very windy and gloomy outside. What better way to cheer us up than baking fairy cakes. HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit donned their culinary hats and made a delicious treat for everyone in The Mansion.

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit use only organic, vegetable based food colouring for the icing. Green has lemon, Red has vanilla, and Chocolate has fair trade cocoa.

After decorating the cupcakes with Jackson Pollock-like flourishes, HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit move on to the cake block.

And to honour our JAPANESE fans, thank you for visiting this blog, domo arigatu, we sign our cake with "Nash" in katakana. By the time HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit return to Japan, we will have learned a couple of Nihongo. (Take note Ashley, proper Japanese, Saigono Iwaki, Ted Ito version at hindi yung kay Kempee de Leon.)

The other housemates in The Mansion get their dose of sugar. Mmmmmmm.

Saturday, 27 October 2007

Cool Hardware, Shite Software

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit test their new toy.

Quad core, 4GB ddr3 ram, etc. I'm having a techgasm with high-end those high end specs....

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit look at the engine. (The fan is annoyingly loud though)

We ask, what do you put in two separate 1-terabyte hard drives? Hmmm, mapapa-high resolution yata mga porno videos ko nito.....

Aaaaaaargh! Its crashing!

PA/PR Gromit prepares espresso. Looks like this will take a loooooooong time.

Sad really. Windows Vista Ultimate = Ultimate crap. Why oh why do they release bug-infested software!!!!!!! Hmmmm, incidentally, tonight is the launch of Apple Leopard. I betcha my less endowed Macbook can outperform the Goliath running on Vista.

En da news

Don't cha just love Brit tabloids? There's always a pair of boobies on page 3. However, it's more funny than erotic. Definitely NOT wank-inducing. 18 years old? Yeah right. Dese-otso lang ako koya say those girls from Peak-A-Boo on Abanao road. Oo nga manang, dese-otso kayo 15 years ago. Hindi kami magte-table. San Mig light lang.

What can I say? We just have the most happening college bar in Oxbarrio. A weeklong session of hard core studying must be followed by acute alcohol abuse. And frankly, nude stunts are so passe. I wish the students were more imaginative with their pranks.

The Oxbarrio Union is the oldest and most prestigious Uni debating chamber in the world. The likes of Loren Legarda and Chiz Escudero do not stand a chance with their stupid platitudes and uninformed rhetoric in the Chamber. This week we had the Presidents of Afghanistan and Turkey. Don't let the naked antics of its secretary distract you from the fact that it's a very elite debating chamber.

Aanhin ang kabayo kung pwedeng lumipad gamit ang damo??? Sakay na.

Bill Clinton can thank his cigar that there were no digital cameras back then to document him 'smoking cannabis but not inhaling'. The Dictionary should hire idol Bill Clinton. He has some creative definitions for 'sexual relations' and 'doper'.

Get paid for doing what you normally do at university. O diba, ang gaganda ng mga estudyanteng pobre dito? Hindi naman kase lahat rich or double-hyphenated. Ashley, diba nag-escort ka rin dito? Pero baka puro Pinoy madalas kostomer mo. The mere fact na andyan ka sa Pelepens at hindi nakadawet ng Puti para ma-ispunsor ang visa mo ay sapat na ebidins na wala kang kwentang escort.

...Intelligent escorts. Not only do you get the post-coital cuddle, the escorts can also widen your knowledge of Ancient Greece...

Ashley, walang kwenta college mo. Puro chakang may bilbil lang ang andun. Tingnan mo kami, super sexy.

Friday, 26 October 2007

Why I am NOT and WILL NEVER be back on Friendster......

apart from its uberJolina pagka-baduy.....look at how people describe themselves....

Eeeeeeek! Kulang nalang MISSION-VISION at motto....

Thursday, 25 October 2007


I think I'm going down with the flu. Damnit! I must have gotten it from one of my students this week.

Potang-ena naman kasi, masyadong sineryoso ang kanyang pag-aaral. Hayun, nahawaan tuloy ako. Party season pa naman dito. Noong nag-undergrad ako sa Pelepens, sakit katamaran lang ay sapat na dahilan na para hindi pumasok. And if you knew me from back then, you'd know that I even had the manners to tell my instructors I WASN'T going to attend lectures the day before. Yan ang right conduct na itinuturo sa Catholic schools. Hey, at least I was honest to admit I was lazy and didn't pretend to be sick.

Hay naku, dito masyadong mahalaga ang pumasok ng klase. I don't even check attendance noh. Ang talent fee ko ay de horas, que pumasok kayo or hindi, may pambili ako ng bote ng ginebra at the end of the day. And besides, it's not as if kelangan paghirapan ang diploma ng Oxbarrio Uni. Hindi naman siya kasing-bonggacious ng mala-cartolina size na diploma ng The Ateneo or UST na may pa-Latin latin eklat pa.

Aaanyways, random crap I learned today.....

I used to sleepwalk when I was a child. I hope it's stopped now, given that I do sleep naked.

New Orleans asks why the federal government's response to the California fires are better and more extravagant. D'uh. Hello. It's because the California fires threaten the endangered species called "Celebrities". And to paraphrase my homie Kanye West: It's coz you is black and Bush hates (poor) black people. You know what I'm saying....And besides, they need the powerful California votes for next year.

The iPod nano costs $55 ONLY in component costs! It retails for $200 here!

One of my labmates had his farewell dinner tonight. He's moving to MIT (the one in Cambridge, MA, not the one in Intramuros). At first we were surprised to learn he was even applying for jobs in the USA. It's not like him. We were like "You? Going to the US? Something must be wrong with you." Well, granted that nearly everyone in our group finds the US a boring place to live, it has some of the best science programs in the world and they are very well funded. And Boston is probably the most European of all North American cities.

As for me, I'm keeping an open mind. I haven't been to the USA. I've never been compelled. Growing up in the Philippines, which is like a satellite USA, albeit poor and corrupt, I think I've already experienced what it would have been like to live ala-USA. Other countries seem so much more interesting and exciting. I want to live in places outside of my comfort zone. But anyways, I have never been to Uncle Sam's, so I can't judge, and yeah maybe I will check it out soon and those national parks they have over there are really attractive. Maybe if it doesn't completely burn down, I'll go to California. (Hwag lang sa Daly City dahil merong yaki-kadiri na Jollibee doon. Ew.)

I had Rigatoni, Speck e gorgonzola but I asked the waitress to pour all the parmigiano they have over it. I'm simply addicted to the stuff.

Notting Hell

Notting Hill is generally not a good place to have a quiet breakfast on a Saturday. The place is packed. But this is where the Oxbarrio to London bus service stops to let off the promdis like me who are sick of the dreamy spires. Fortunately, there are at least two Starbucks outlets which act like sponges, absorbing the Gringos leaving the local cafes free of their obnoxiousness.

Beware the London Chapter of the Dugo-dugo and Salisi gangs....

Cafe scene. Lots of wonderful accents from people around. I can practice my throat clearing spitting Arabic, conjugate my irregular Spanish verbs, and roll my German. Sadly, the Filipino-accented English is dying because every frigging Flip wants to be like Lea Salonga and sound North American. As por mi, I layk to kep et real yo and I try my best to limit my use "like" as an adjective, noun, verb, question, etc. which is one of the worst legacies of the USA to our islands. Let's all speak Filipino English. Se et lawd, se et prawd.

Notting Hill is Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad for your finances. One, it has lots of vintage comic book shops. Two, it has lots of retro ukay-ukay shops. Three, it has lots of proper cafes.


I sat next to Kerry at a neuroscience lecture. We were sat in front but were whispering to each other. I asked if she was still living in sin with her current boypren. I told her to call me once they break up, she can live with me, and that I still love her.....

Then she said "Look, the speaker has a small tattoo on his bald head, above the left ear..." She continued "It looks like the Czech flag, two horizontal bands with a triangle on the leftside." I was intrigued, the speaker didn't look Czech (more like Czech-wa), and so I leaned forward and stared at the tattoo. Oh my gawd, potang-ena. Et's da Pelepen flag! The speaker was/is Flipinoy like me! Ay kabayan pala.

"Make sure you hold on to your purse" I whispered back to Kerry. "The man has a coloured tattoo of our Pelepen flag, nevermind that he is pre-occupied giving the lecture. He might be a member of Oxo or Sigue-sigue gang. These guys are quick."

I wanted to talk to the speaker after his seminar but from the corner of my eye I saw someone who looked like Nelson Mandela. All things being equal, I thought it was way cooler to chat to someone who looked liked Nelson Mandela.....

I've been swamped with 'feelers' or mga parinig: Nash, when will you ever invite me to your fabulous dinner parties?....ask acquaintances as if doing a soliloquy in a Shakespeare play whenever I'm around them. Hmm, I think I've pretty much invited everyone to some Nashman party or another. So if you've never been invited, it can only be due to one or all of the following:

1. You're fugly, not necessarily in looks, it may be in personality. Why on earth would I want to be seen in an event with you? Aba, huwag mo ng itanong kung bakit hindi ka nadala sa mga gimik. Tumingin ka nalang sa salamin.

2. If you happen to be Filipino AND vegetarian for non-health reasons. Hay naku, mga pagkukunwari. Flipinoys are big animal lovers! We love pork, we love beef, we love deep fried birds, and everything in-between.

3. You are not fugly and you are not vegetarian for non-health reasons but for some inexplicable fluke of nature, we just happen to hate you. Huwag mo ng itanong kung baket. Basta hindi ka lang namin talaga trips. Mag happy meal ka nalang sa Jollibee, may libre toy pa.

What's this? Cost cutting? Why is the second course not a big slab of red meat?? Surely we need to protect the whales/dolphins by not fishing their food. It's those methane-producing cattle we should eat!

Tiramisu. Kalahating istrawberry??????? Ukin-nas na. Pidpiduten mi laeng ta istrubiri ed Wangal ya.

After dinner port. (Walang ganyan sa college ni Ashley.)

What a better way to end the day than a very moving documentary from the Beeb. They are not 'disabled'. If ordinary folks can shag, so can they.