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Friday, 30 November 2007

This is how I roll baby...



Ay, minor damage lang ito. Konting pintura at change oil lang. Balikan mo sa makalawa, ayos na. Anong gusto mo kulay ng upholstery? Down ka lang ng sampung libo yayariin na namin...

Eggs


Now you know what those numbers mean..

My homie, he's a Brasilian Rhodesian Ridgeback

He's got hairy balls

Deciphering the The Nashman's Eggs. 1=Free Range, RP=Made in the Republika of da Pelepens. Remember, brown eggs taste a lot better than white....(I really need to shave but it saves my girlfriend from buying dental floss...)

Wednesday, 28 November 2007

Araw Gabi Walang Panty


The day is for watching DVDs from our Suki.....

The night is for writing Da Thesis.

Fuck me. Three more chapters to write....and I heard snow has fallen in the Alps already....Hmmm, if I work double time, I can fly outta here sooner....

Tuesday, 27 November 2007

As discussed in Sunday's Meeting: From whom to get your party balloons

Three years ago, being a devout Filipino Catholic, I proposed a motion that balloons should be made free and readily accessible. Unfortunately, in some Oxbarrio Colleges, a Fundamentalist Catholic Vigilante started piercing the prophylactic supplies.

We have now bought a £300 vending machine that will make those flavoursome balloons tamper-proof so we could all continue loving one another.

For the meantime, we have delegated S.F. who takes over from K.W as the new condom lady...


Monday, 26 November 2007

Sorority Night.



As The Nashman has rusticated himself in The Mansion to finish The Thesis and can't go out and play, HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit gathered our sorority sisters who came, invaded the kitchen, and worked some of their magic for a wonderful dinner.

How Sweet of them. Unlike UP Diliman fraternities, like Sigma Rho, which are run by thugs and idiots, my sorority promotes the good ol' group hug instead of hazing. (Seriously, I think if you go around campus bullying others and calling yourself the "Grand Archon", you are clearly a nutter.)


PA/PR Gromit asks if Kerry would like some tagliatele. (And remarks how nice to see how healthy all the twins are.)

Mr. Bear also made it and quickly indulged in some lewd tongue exercises.

HRO Karl Willem got distracted. Hmmm, that's yummy Tiramisu....

Cuddle Power. When three become one.

HRO Karl Willem snuggles up to Luisa.

PA/PR Gromit, ever the reliable planner, sets the date for the next cuddle party.

HRO Karl Willem had to prop up Mr. Bear who had a little too much vino....

Ah, bliss. We would like to thank our friends over from Argentina who sent bottles of fiery tinto that went extremely well with the lemon roast chicken.

Friday, 23 November 2007

Update: The Nashman is alive


So far away from the Mothership...


We apologise to our tens of blog fans for the lack of updates. We are currently changing broadband service providers to The Mansion and at the moment we are disconnected from the big bad world and I have not been to the central Oxbarrio in ages as I write The Thesis.

Anywho, I'm shedding a tear for my third favourite Aleman, Gunther, whose current autopsy series ended the other night. Who now to entertain me as I stay up late?


We are going to miss Gunther, his assistant Marius, John, the models Anna and Dennis, Emma, and Juliet....and let's not forget the real stars of the show - the body donors who consented to their public autopsies.

Gunther talks about brain injuries, how jelly-like the brain is, how the skull protects the brain, and proceeds to remove the scalp of another donor.

Incidentally, the curry HRO Karl Willem, PA/PR Gromit, and I had last night had the same consistency of brain splatter. Or was it more like shite?

British Red Cross volunteer Emma shows how to treat a sprain. Yes, you have to be naked for this...

That's Juliet illustrating the skeletal system onto Dennis as Dr. John explains what happens with a broken rib cage....

Dr. Gunther then cuts open another cadaver to show what broken ribs can do to the lungs....

Finally, one can certainly appreciate Anna's bikini strip... (that's Dr. Gunther's hand showing where the pelvic bone meets the femur)

...but what is up with Dennis' horizontal pube strip???????? When I shave mine, I take all off. I don't leave a mustache! That's just whack....

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

So sue me....


...my lawyers are double checking all my blog entries. So far, I have offended every race, religion, colour, and creed. Excellent!

They is rapping in the House, yo.



Yo, check it out.
Filipino Tongressman in the house, u-huh, u-huh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We steal from da taxes
To pay for our bling
Drive fancy cars
smoke fine cigars.

Juan de la Cruz?
Who he?
We don't care.
We are Filipino Tongressman, u-huh, u-huh

Come join the ride
We're on a gravy train
to the supreme Bitch in Malacanang
Ho's laying it down
Gonna grease our hands fine
We are Filipino Tongressman, u-huh, u-huh

Reverse Zoonosis


HRO Karl Willem did the nutty bread while PA/PR Gromit did the raisin bread.


I was invited to "Thanksgiving" Dinner this week to which I replied "Uh, do I look like I want to celebrate the Puritans ripping off them Amerindians?" Word to the wise, do not invite an Igorot like me to "Thanksgiving" as we're basically on the side of the Amerindians.

But yeah, I was just being petty. Surely, "Thanksgiving" has evolved to become a more positive celebration. Besides, that was hundreds of years ago and the world has moved on. Let bygones be bygones.

Yes, we is thankful for all the small mercies, yo.


Dinner tonight was slow roasted Manok!

Aaanyways, there's another avian flu outbreak and gazillions of turkeys had to be slaughtered lest the disease moves on to humans. Fair enough. I hate turkey anyway.

That got me thinking. You know, there are some human diseases that would benefit us if they transferred to livestock.

Anorexia for example. For Flipinoys like me, there is nothing better than the crispy skin of roast chicken and pork. Yum! We don't want that fleshy thing between the skin and the bone.

Now if chicken and pigs had anorexia....finger-licking good! Skinny chickens and pigs could catwalk proudly down to the rotisserie.


We don't want no meat. Skin and bone will do. I'm on a diet so I opted for the wings and the butt.

Chicken butt. At first it looked a bit phallic but then again the longer you look at it, it becomes clitoral.

Not only are animals giving us diseases, they are also taking over our jobs!


A lowly police constable now, MI5 agent tomorrow....

Monday, 19 November 2007

Baby's got some issues


I think being close to salt is not a good idea with an open wound....

CSI Agents HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit easily determine the cause of death. The motive is harder to establish but it could either be one or both of the following:

1. Masamang tingin
2. Victim sang "My Way" in a karaoke bar


That's just whack, yo. Better to prevent him from growing up to be Chucky....

Saturday, 17 November 2007

The Nashman is recuperating and will be back soon...


HRO Karl Willem prepares The Nashman's bath. Nothing like a relaxing soak.

Friday, 16 November 2007

Factoids from Oxbarrio....


Yes, I'm surrounded by them. Aba, ano ba ang kayang gawin ng 'tibo sa syota nya na di ko kaya? I can yos da tang, da penger also ah.

Tita aket? Malapit na ba? Hindi obvious sa mukha. Promise.

Really, who has time to bonk?

...the sad reality. The Nashman dozes off quickly once he lies on the bed. Sweetie, kamayin mo nalang, inaantok na talaga ako...

Thursday, 15 November 2007

Samantala.......


Cost saving measures nearly blows spy cat's cover......

I assure you, nothing can go wrong in this hospital....

Prayer for the intercession of the most blessed Virgin Judiel Nieva, Patroness of Opticians, Optometricians, and Cheap Sunglass Manufacturers

Here's looking at you, kid. (Or, Apay agkita-kita ka?)


Snatchers beware, this area is protected by Neighbourhood Watch.

Wednesday, 14 November 2007

The Nashman loses Michelin Stars and gets delisted from Gault Millau....

......after cooking this disgustingly lazy (and burnt)  and fattening dinner last night....
Who in his right mind would eat The Nashman's short and oily brown sausage? 

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

Danke schön J.H.

Du wirst immer meine Prinzessin sein. Ich liebe dich sehr.



Thanks sweetie. It's been a swell 4 years. I'll be following soon! I promise! (mit HRO Karl Willem und PA/PR Gromit of course!)

More of Sometimes the Jokes just write themselves......


We love the good ol' USA..

Diary-Liveblogging from da klasrum...



Sabi ko "Hmmm, bakit familiar ang fez ng girlash na itich?" pagpasok nya sa lab class ko kanina. And then "Aha! Siya ang isang contestant por dis wek's Pinakamaganda Pageant!"

Shet, ang ganda niya in ferson. Ang aking puso parang nag-drum solo. Kinailangan ko munang lumabas para magkape. Buti nalang gumagana pa ang mga moves ko tulad ng "Mali, do it this way" with mega-akbay over her shoulder sa harap ng computer. (Shet, yan ang mga tsansing style!) Ang bango bango niya at hindi Safeguard ang kanyang sabon. Lord, sana marami pa siyang pagkakamali para mabigyan ko ng instructions over her shoulder.

Buti nalang nasa bulsa ko pa ang Scapular na pinabasbas ko sa Lady of Manaoag upang ilayo ako tukso.

Hmmm, hwag nalang kaya naming ituloy ang klase? Kahit naman ano gawin niya today I will give her an A+ dahil ang ganda niya.

Aaaanyways, Ashley, nandaraya ang kolehiyo ni Joma ha! They overtook us dahil naman ang kanilang contestant last week ay dalawang hot girls. Dapat ipagbawal ang non-hetero pairings! Dios mio!

O siya, balik muna ako sa klase ko...