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Wednesday, 30 April 2008

Karatula


Errors before correction:2. Errors after correction 2. "Kinorek" ng grammar nazi, mali pa rin. I loves! (Siguro Atenista)

Who was this man who kept defenestrating while at Oxbarrio? He thought he was still living in their small village in Mindanao and so the sidewalk below his balcony was littered with candy wrappers, balat ng saging, and used q-tips. At one time, he even disposed half a pitcher of stale water. To think he lived next to a boutique hotel (The Randolph). Imagine their consternation at having to clean all that mess. Clue: His name is Ashley, and he was once the "only gay in the village" if you discount his friend who claims to be a descendant of Lapu-lapu. Tanong ko noon "So ano kaya tawag sa kanya if he ascends to the throne? Hindi naman pwedeng Datu or Sultan.." Sagot naman ni Ashley "Gagah, pag-nag ascend na siya up to the throne ang tawag pa rin sa kanya ay Bakla..." "But he denies it" I said. "Naku, kahit i-deny deny pa ni Lolo, siya lang ang sultan na ginagamit ang pwet niya as a scabbard para sa kanyang kris..."

The Nashman's Philosophy

"...is that all you want? Enough money to pay the rent and for food?" - asked of the Nashman. Why do I take minimum-wager jobs instead of a proper 'high-paying' one..

Indeed. "I need just enough to live on" - That is my philosophy. Why work long hours for more money? Fifty-five hours a week, £60,000 (at least) per year?

Look, I sleep when I feel like sleeping, I wake up naturally, I go to the lab when I am inspired (and achieve a lot more because I'm in the zone), I write when I am inspired, I attend lectures I like and in-between these "work"-related things, when I find myself not inspired to do "work"-related things, I go on long walks, I travel, I hike, I visit museums, I party, I take mind-altering substances (all legal), I have sex (mostly with myself, but sometimes I get lucky), I take on new hobbies, I make new friends, I go out with my friends, I read non-"work"-related literature, and still have extra to write this blog (which is read by 15 people a day, excluding my mother).

This does not mean I do not work hard, because I think I do. And yes, here's a true cliche "Work smart, not hard".

Time, bitches, Time.

Can you put a price on Time?

Methinks not.

I told you not to drink those protein shakes....

Who brought home Sideshow Bob?


HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit wonder why Sideshow Bob is sleeping on our bed...I tried to convince them it's Annie..."The sun will come out tamorawwwwww...."

....ack! Told you not to wake her up! HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit get spooned


Sigh. It's raining so hard outside! I the dawgs and I have to stay in. Ugh! So boring inside! What to do?

Tuesday, 29 April 2008

Ew! Don't pick it up!


PA/PR Gromit wonders whose this is/was. This is why I hate inviting girls to spend the night over. They throw litter on my floor! And I just vacuumed! Incidentally, if this thing is here and she left awhile ago, cycling to town....

For the Jester, who isn't getting any action....(can't blame him, I'd rather stick a canister up my ass than hook up with those skanks at UP Law...)




-Francesca Steele, Times T2

Monday, 28 April 2008

Mega Cruisers



I heard from C. that Sharon Cuneta is coming to England to film a new movie.

Where is she going to dock her big macs? The Ports are full....

What did I tell you kids? McDonald's, with their meat of unknown provenance and synthetic cheese makes you fat....

Dogs' Day Out: Art and Another OxPinoy Gastronomic Protest Society Foodie Outing


The day began at the Bus Stop. O ha, Ashley, asenso na ako, tingnan mo naman yung mga stops-Notting Hill, Marble Arch..hindi na tulad ng dati kong Sta Rosa, Laguna - Taft commute noon! Hindi pa isang sakayan ha! Lipat tricycle sa Balibago tapos jeep naman sa Alabang. Eww, I had to make ipit my balls with the masa, wala pa wifi!

The bus stops exactly in front of the Pinoy Cafe in London!

It's like home!!!!!! Budget meal! So umupo kami habang minicrowave ni ate ang menudo....

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit and our breakfast, under the gaze of Gary V, apparently on a world tour (with special guest Gabriel V.(?)) Naman, why is Gary's concert £45????????? Mas mahal ba pamasahe niya kaysa R.E.M na £20 lang bili ko ng ticket?? Wala ba endorsement si Gary at mahal ang tickets? Anyways, naparami ako ng kain sa Pinoy Cafe! After almusal, I had cassava cake! Oorder na sana ako ng sapin-sapin but they started playing Regine Velasquez in the background and that was my cue to leave....siguro naman considered torture ang to be forced to listen to her warbling...

HRO Karl Willem, PA/PR Gromit, and The Nashman rushed to see these TWO pre-Raphaelite paintings at Tate Britain...

Edward Burne-Jones's The Sleep of Arthur in Avalon and

Flaming June by Frederic Lord Leighton, both on loan from Puerto Rico.

The King Arthur painting is huge! Six meters wide! It took Burne-Jones' 18 years to paint it and yet it is unfinished. He died without painting the strings on the musical instruments. Basically, it's King Arthur, dead after the battle of Mordred, watched over by 3 queens (standing near the edge of the bed), amazons (on the right, holding his armour), his half sister (in white), and trumpeters (ready to wake him up when the time time comes).

Flaming June basically sums up why I love the pre-Raphaelites who painted using fine brushes. It's so erotic! I had a throbbing hard on! I dare anyone to look at those nubile women covered only by mosquito nets, pert breasts and all and not be stirred! Incidentally, a photo of the just started Arthur painting showed that Burne-Jones painted the characters nude before painting them over!


There was also an exhibition on neoclassical sculpture...more arousing nudes...

Post-coital, este, after the Tate Britain, the dogs and I hied off to the Royal Academy....


....where there were more nudies to be seen!

It's pussylicious....yes, just a little dab, make sure that camel toe is well-defined...

His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit have a coffee break.......

.......surrounded by more nudies! Ashley, please move back a little, this area is for members only...kung brown yung Bod Card mo at naka-scarf ka pa sa photo kahit high summer na, no entrance, hanggang tingin ka na lang, do not cross the yellow line...

Then we moved to the other side for the oldest print fair of its kind...

(but this part of the story deserves a separate diary entry because....a basta, abangan...)


Short OxPinoy Gastronomic Protest Society Food Review

After so much visual art for the day, His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem, PA/PR Gromit, and The Nashman shifted to the culinary arts...something easier to digest...

Take note, this is NOT a Trinoma Praise Release. Surely you Jest?? A blog review of fastfood outlets at Trinoma? Puhleeez, puro mga franchise lang naman yung! Paano nakatulong ang mga fastfood na yan sa local economy? Pwe, pati ba naman Starbucks binibisita? Mga court jesters talaga, pilit nagpapatawa...

Anyways, our first stop was the Lebanese restaurant, Al Waha. Impossible to just show up there and expect a table, so booking recommended, it is after all one of the top Middle Eastern eateries in Londontown..


We were sat under a rather very erotic calligraphy by Mouneer al-Shaarani that translates as "My hands almost wet with dew as I touch her/And at their tips green leaves sprout" O diba? parang Song of Songs in the Bible, pampalibog to the max! Hindi ko nga maintindihan kung bakit yung mga gagong fundamentalists at estupidong evangelical Christians ay hindi pinagtutuunan ng pansin ang erotic writings sa Bibliya or sa Koran. Let's make love, not war!

When the manager saw HRO Karl Willem, he brought out all the stops to impress us...


The starters! You must try the humus with shawarma! Freshly made, Ashley at hindi de lata gaya ng humus ng royal friend mo!

The mains! It was a Lebanese tour de force. I loved the garlic chicken and that thing in white sauce, whatever it is....mmmmmmm...

Finished off the two-hour meal will Lebanese coffee and baklawa!

After 3 minutes of walking, we were ready for dessert...so off to this atmospheric Sicilian place with live Brat Pack music! (Grabe mga Italiano, they are never under-dressed for anything. Kakain lang sa panaderia eh naka Brioni sila...) How fitting that the place is called Arancina (feminine form for little orange!). HRO Karl Willem loved loved loved it


Buono! Buono! Bring me a little bit of everything....

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit munch down those melt in the mouth Sicilian treats with more cafe americano....

Ok, enough for now, time to burn those calories....

Quote of the Day

Regarding the Philippines' entry to Cannes Film Festival, my friend says:

"you know, i got stills today for the first finoy film to comfete at cannes in 24 years and of course its bomba-esque. in fact, i didnt read the press release and asked the distributor why he was sending me porn. then i asked him why when its a finoy film, its always about fokfoks, fags or the foor -- sometimes a combination of all.

now, i have nothing against fokfokation (coz its better than being a thieving politician who is fanget), but this flot/stereotyfe is soooo tired na ha"

Brilliant. This is why she writes for an international daily.

Original Gucci Gang


Looky, looky what I discovered - Jodie Foster for Gucci, 1977! Hotness! Naka-ka elya! Sobra! Tinigasan ako! Wait, she's only 15 in this photo but c'mon, sino sa atin ang walang pagnanasa noon kay Natalie Portman sa Leon eh mas bata siya (13) doon? Besides, kahit na kinse lang si Jodie dito, mas matanda pa rin siya sa akin noon at ngayon! Uy, lalo akong na-e-elya, older woman, younger man ang drama namin!

O ha, Celine Lopez? She's not even worthy of Penshoppe, Gucci pa kaya.

Forget about robots taking over our jobs...it's those furry animals you should be worried about...

I was looking for Venezuelan Black Cacao but it was out of stock at Selfridges. Instead, these equally expensive items caught my attention...


It's £25 for less than 50g! You can also get it at Waitrose.

Vietnam has a joined the animal bandwagon too! Weasels don't shit the coffee bean, regurgitating it instead. A bit cheaper, I think weasel coffee costs only £15 for the same amount...

And Jane Goodall asks: "Do you provide Medicare and Pension for our furry cousins?"...

Yes, specially trained to gather tea leaves!

As I write this, my father is holding a gun to our dog's head until it learns to pick sayote....

Sunday, 27 April 2008

Correct pronounsiyashen...

And you can’t put down the engaging piece written by Linda Grace Cariño on “English Like a Native,” which traces the way English has been indigenized by Baguio speakers. For example: “Notice how natives say ‘country club’ like it was one word? Papanam? Diay countryclub. Manila cousins like to affect the answer: the club. The climbers actually say count-ry club, as in count your blessings.” - From Butch Dalisay's blog

Saturday, 26 April 2008

Sabadogs


Oh glorious weather. Fine day for a walk don't you think? His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit certainly agree! From our home at Radcliffe Square we cycled to....

..our favourite small village, not least because it's the gateway to our favourite forest. Take note Ashley, Wytham is so posh, to get entry you need to produce a voice sample to ascertain kung pupwede ka makisalamuha with the triple hyphenated locals. If you say "Da ren in Sfain pols menli in da flen", sorry you can't get in...yer too undesirable and unintelligible for the natives..the Ateneo de Manila por Coñitos y Coñitas Estupidas is 50000 miles in the opposite direction, bye.

The dogs stop at the White Hart at Wytham for some grub and chilled apple cider. Mmmm. This pub is one of the Top 5 best pubs not just in England but in the entire United Kingdom, so that means including the countries of Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland. Saan ka nakakita ng pub na may sommelier at French-Italian chef? O ha, Ashley ito ang sinasabing 'fancy'. Hindi tulad nung pinuntahan ng royal friend mo na eatery na pinost niya sa Prenster sabay caption "Me dining in a posh place..." Futa, eh obvious sa suot ng waiter na nasa Pizza Express lang siya! Shet na mga pagkukunwari.

Darjeeling sire? The dawgs have tea immediately after grub at the village shop....

....followed by a long walk to Wytham Woods.

HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit enjoy the fresh country air.

A stream deep in the woods for dipping our feet and for cooling down.

...The Nashman laments not bringing a tabo. We could have taken a cold shower...

Ever intrepid, the dawgs have a sniff around. Er guys, I don't think it wise to disturb whatever is in that hole....

After two hours perambulating in the woods, we went back down to have a picnic at All Saints' Graveyard. PA/PR Gromit packed us a cheese and onion pasty and fair trade orange juice.

Such a bright idea making a flowerbed instead of a boring nitso! This is Thor's grave (says right there on the headstone). Hmmm, I think I would like my grave to have a sandbox on top for kids to play in and make sand castles. Way cool.

Sometimes, HRO Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit can be a little bit OC and hence they attempt to prop this headstone upright...

Er guys, I think it's not going to be aligned with the others. Let's just leave it as is...

Friday, 25 April 2008

Los Crimenes de Oxbarrio



Before you watch this film, I suggest you read the book by Guillermo Martinez first.

Anyways, I was so angry after the first 20 minutes of the film when it was shown that Martin (played by Elijah, it should have been an Argentinian/Latin character but I guess the Spanish producers were thinking of the global market) had a king-sized four poster bed! Hello??????? I have been in Oxbarrio for four and half years and I have NEVER been given the option of having a four-poster king sized bed in my room! Nooooooooooooo. "Sorry Nash, we can only provide you a single bed with a dodgy spring mattress."

However, check out Leonor Watling's boobs! Ohmigod! Not that I need to point them out. They truly stand out in this film. And yes, that sex scene where Elijah eats spaghetti off Leonor's boobies, that's an Oxbarrio tradition. As I write this, my girl friend (who I just met yesterday at the badminton courts) is lying next to me and is spreading marmite on her navel which I will lick off her after I post this.

If anything, I love the 'look' of this film. Oxbarrio was very gothic. Not too gloomy but not too romantic either. Kudos to the cinematographer given that this was filmed during the summer. I remember when I first met Elijah (naks, perst name basis kunam man) it was blinding sunshine all around. And take my advice, under NO circumstances must you look Elijah straight in the eye. I have never seen anything so blue! It's just so unreal.

Ok, enough now, I have to ravish someone while whispering algebra equations on her ear...


Warning! This movie contains traces of maths!

Accessorize


We are gathered here today to give a fitting farewell to Arthur the rainbow trout. He was very brave and swam against the current....

Spring onions, sea salt, ginger, pepper, extra virgin olive oil. I'd say that's a good funeral for a fish don't ya think? A proper martyr, I think he will be surrounded by the promised 77 virgins in heaven...or if he is a Jewish/Christian fish, by old bearded and hairy geezers like Moses and that stoner John (the one who wrote the Book of Revelation, which is basically a more fucked up version of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas....what did I tell you kids? Stay away from the Drugs! A vision of 7 headed beasts? Waay too much drugs man, waaaaay too much...)