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Friday, 29 August 2008

A new day be coming


Yes sir-ree and His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit can't wait

Why you shouldn't be jogging naked on a cold day


It's tiny like The Nashman's

How timely........


It's so true. I have been stabbed, fallen off the roof of our chicken coop hitting my forehead on concrete, I have been punched by a yob during the Paris student protests, I have been hit by a cab while cycling, I have done a 360 crash off my bike onto pavement, I have crashed on rock with my sledge on the slopes, I have been hit by a falling surfboard from a wipeout, I have cut my foreskin from too much masturbation, my dentist has drilled 8 of my teeth, I have been beaten with a stick, I have been bitten by a dog, I have been electrocuted (twice), and yet nothing hurts more than a broken heart and hurtful words. Naks. Totoo naman, aminin.

Kaya naman hurt na hurt si Tita Shawie at Mother Annabelle dahil nagpaconcert ang GMA ng libre (grabe, libre lang pala si Dingdong na pasmado ang kamay ayon kay Lor) gayung alam naman nilang opening night ng "For the first time" na first movie ni KC Concepcion. Grabe, dapat ayusin itong gulong ito sa UN Security Council. Sobra naman ang GMA, bakit nyo naman sinasadyang i-sabotahe ang proudest moment ni Tita Shawie, mabuti pa ibili niyo siya ng Happy Meal para mabawasan ang hurt na nararamdaman niya.

You gotta hand it to him....

...he a good orator...and he finally spoke in straight language.

..but Obama said " (he) could achieve whatever he put his mind to" HWAT??? Dats plagiarise from Ashley's royal bestfriend's online "official personal website" which also states that he (ie, Ashley's bespren) "is certainly the type who leads by example and tries to show and not coerce people to make them do what he wants done." O diba? Ang lalim. To use simple language, he simply means "ganito ang tamang pagtimpla ng Ritchie's orange juice"

The Nashman doth protest too much because something is rotten in the state of the Box Office.....

...I canna get tickets to this..(Shet, manonood nalang ako ng John Lloyd Cruz-Bea Alonzo masterpiece.)

Can someone please sneak in a videocamera and transfer the footage to dvd or upload it to torrent?

Thursday, 28 August 2008

Dinner of Tapas (well, one tapas)


His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit want me to go on a diet. I'm hovering just above 64kg at the moment so for tonight, no heavy dinner. HRO Karl Willem said we have to look our best for the annual autumn retreat to his Swedish cabin. You know how it is in Scandinavia, there's so much rampant nudity in the lakes and you always want to look semi-presentable in your birthday suit. The dawgs whipped up some gambas al ajillo with pink tipple to help us sleep. I've been down with the fever all day and migraine the entire week. I'm always thankful that the Dawgs are with me because how the hell do I survive without them?

Aloha, yo....


I'm one of the millions of Hillary Clinton supporters out there who have moved to McCain. Yes I am a proud and loud Hillary fanatic. You have to admire and love a woman who is loyal to her man even if her man's been caught letting someone other than his wife smoke his cigar. Obama is going to lose big time...unless he tells me he surfs and that he will do his best to prevent the loss of surfing waves from off shore rigs and pipelines and ports and oh, that he will recognise Ilocano as a native Hawaiian dialect.

We all hope that those inbred insular rednecks from deep down in the south won't be disrupting the peace with their Bibles and their guns.

Remember the joke.....

"What can 10 men do at the that 10 woment can't?"

Answer: Umihi sa arinola ng sabay

Well, that joke no longer holds water. Presenting:

Yes, you read it right. This contraption allows women to pee standing up.

You put that tongue-looking end just above your urethra like so...

The material is hydrophobic so no liquid remains on the shewee and you can simply put it bag inside its pouch into your Marc Jacobs Ostrich Skin BB bag. (Or kung patay-gutom ang djowa mo, or you married the poor side of the Lopez, inside your Secosana bag)

You can even get a shewee extension pipe! This reminds me of my childhood when I was 12 and there was this cute girl in the mean slums of Baguio where I grew up who gamely joined me in that traditional playground game of Pataasan ng ihi. To fire that jizz from a pussy standing up was really impressive (she was just beginning to grow pubes at that time too and I had just gotten circumcised and I remember how it stung when she touched my glans. She was also the first girl to touch my cut boner. At that time, she thought it was cool that we could make it grow like the neck of a goose from an acorn. Magic. Like David Copperfield.) Sigh, why did we have to grow up to be miserable old people and lose our innocence?? Hmm, now that this is on the market, maybe we can rekindle the honest non-judgemental curiosity of our youth and have a pissing contest. I checked online and the She-wee costs £6.00. I can buy one for any women out their who want to test it, let me know.

No more sitting on dirty toilet bowls! You can even use the men's urinal!

Why I must get me one of those 3g Videophones....


I must call my lawyers. This is plain and simple sexual harassment!

I wanna sue for loss of sleep.....(and blue balls...)

Utugrap

Bible Passage a Day: Ezekiel 23:20

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. - New International Version

For she lusted for her paramours, Whose flesh is like the flesh of donkeys And whose issue is like the issue of horses. - New King James Version

And she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses. - American Standard Version

Y se enamoró de sus rufianes, cuya lujuria es como el ardor carnal de los asnos y cuyo flujo es como el flujo de los caballos - Reina-Valera Spanish Edition

Matindi ang kanyang pagnanasa para sa kanyang mga kalaguyo na mala-asno ang mga titi at kung labasan ng tamod ay parang sa mga kabayo - The Nashman's Tangalog Version

Unti-unting namamasa ang aking puki Dear Xerxes tuwing maalala ko ang mga dako nilang sandata at kung paano nila paliguan ang buo kong katawan at pawihin ang aking uhaw ng malapot at maalat-alat na katas ng kanilang pagmamahal - The Abante Version

She lusted after her lovers whose penises were like those of donkeys and who ejaculated semen like horses - Plain English Campaign.

She be loving them brothers with huge cocks and be cumming like a popped bottle of Cristal, you know what I'm saying? Uh huh, Uh huh - The Nashman featuring P. Diddy Version

Immoral! Wala niyan sa Bibliya! - Etta Mendez of the MTRCB when asked for her version

Ah basta, hindi kami bading! - Manoling Morato and Ashley's Royal Friend from Culiat.

Any other translations? Swardspeak perhaps? Tausug? Ibanag? Ilocano? Bisaya? Kiangan? Kalanguya? We need to preserve this Bible passage.

Reader Contribution:
Ug ga-uros uros iyang biga sa iyang mga kabit nga ang mga otin pareha lang kadako sa mga buro pero kung magawasan ug magul-an, mura sad ug ga-awas awas nga semilya sa kabayong pak-an. - Annabelle Rama Version day.

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Dinnah

Dinner with fellow gourmand Natalie at Bar Shu in the West End. It's Sichuanese. Very very chilicious! AA Gill review here.

Red Braised Pork. Three quarter inch of fat! Melt in the mouth goodness! It's topnotch culinary cunnilingus!

Is it pork? Is it beef? I forgot but it was goodah! Look at those red chilies. (We also had dry fried green beans which tastes like Baguio home cooking!)

Desserts somewhere else.

Riddle me this. Gossip gossip. You know you want to.


Click to enlarge.

Hmmm, an exomars project? I wonder who is going to send it to orbit given that only Russia has the proven capability at the moment (in 6 months at least) and they're in a diplomatic tussle with NATO. Yes aerospace fans, the world (NASA, EU) is totally dependent on Russian rockets. (NASA doesn't have launch capability for another 5 years). This is another trump card Russia has along with the gas. Hmm, maybe China should hurry up on their space program. Bring back those cast of thousands from the synchronised dancing. If they blow in unison, maybe they can launch some satellites into space.

UPDATE: Ok, my bad. It's going to be launched on an Ariane 5 from French Guiana. Thank god for the froggies. (See, they only work 30 hours a week and YET they manage to build a decent space rocket.) So it's only NASA which is left with no launch capability.

Meanwhile, Loren Legarda is having withdrawal effects after the glutathione supply dried out. Chiz Escudero is still plotting for ways to eliminate Math and Science in our school curriculum and the Malacanang alalays are still looking for the bloody istudyow prowmpter.

Biglang Liko: Literally and Metaphorically


I only noticed this this morning. It's a couple of blocks from where I live!

She is wearing a mosquito net. She doesn't want to catch malaria or dengue you know.

Da Rulz, ayt. Ay, no tatsing tapos no pektyur??? Hwag na ano. Dun nalang ako sa Peak-a-Boo sa Abanao.

Kabaduyan

Is there any reason why Filipino films fail to crossover to the world cinema market? The evidence for the prosecution....

"I'm not perfect?" Sus KC hindi na original yan ano. Nabigkas na yan ni Lea Salonga kay Aga Muhlach sa pelikulang Bakit Labis Kitang Mahal. "Mas masakit pala being miserably in love without you" sumbat naman ni Richard. Huh? Ano daw?

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Big Date Coming Up. Help me chose a shirt-tie combo

As mentioned earlier, our dear friend PA/PR Gromit is now the image model for Duchamp! So I'm heading to their flagship store in Regents Street to get me some too.....

I really like black and pink.

This one's nice but I'm not too enthusiastic about the tie.

Shall we go for the plain shirt?

I think I'll take the pink tie from the top and match it with this shirt. Wachathink?

The Nashman for Mayor 2009: Tackle the fatness that suffocates us



It's official. After just half a generation, Baguio kids are one of the most OBESE in the region - A DISGUSTING 1.58% of kids are fatsos compared to the province's a little bit more respectable 0.66%.

Now, as Baguio Mayor one of my first decrees will be to COMPLETELY BAN junk food advertisements in all media targeted at CHILDREN. Only in the Philippines do we allow ads by McDonald's, Jollibee, and Purefoods hotdogs etc that are specifically meant to brainwash and bully children into accepting that the processed shit they sell is good. Those preservatives and synthetic crap in McDonald's and Jollibee burgers and whatever it is in those Purefoods hotdogs (gad, why is the skin so red? that can only be a toxic chemical) can lower IQ so not only will our kids be fat, they will be thick as fuck stupid too. Do you really want that? I don't think so. The Ayalas DON'T eat or serve Purefoods at their chi-chi parties not because they can afford to eat/serve other things but because they know exactly what goes into those red hotdogs.


Congratulations to Kalinga for having the lowest number of fat children.

Penguins....

I woke up with a headache and took lots of drugs. I opened the papers and got a severe case of the giggles....




I definitely will have to get this book

Wallace and Gromit for Harvey Nics

Wallace and Gromit have been given a new designer wardrobe courtesy of a UK department store.
The pair have swapped their usual attire in a marketing campaign for the opening of a new Harvey Nichols department store in Bristol - BBC News

Wallace wears a woollen Prince of Wales check grey two-piece suit by Paul Smith. Gromit has Ray Ban wayfarer sunglasses and a Duchamp silk scarf! Woof! I must get me some of that!

Alexander McQueen jacket and trousers, D&G white shirt, and Armani tie for Wallace. Gromit wears a silk Paul Smith Scarf.

"Wallace usually shops at Tank Top Man so this is a big transformation for him. He isn't exactly known for his up-to-the-minute fashion sense but I know he's feeling pleased with himself - it's great to see him looking so chic and stylish. I caught him looking at his reflection in a shop front window on West Wallaby Street the other day, he says he looks and feels 10 years younger. Gromit reckons it'll be moisturiser next." - Nick Park

Monday, 25 August 2008

It's so not Pinoy

The Philippines does not have a royal family (thank god for that, although Ashley has a friend who thinks they are Royalty. Biro niyo, by accident of birth you think you are entitled to become a leader?). Let us assume for a moment that Tita Anne became head of the Brit Olympic committee by merit alone (she was an Olympian herself) and not by patronage so she is like any normal bureaucrat/high level government official....

The Princess Royal carrying her own backpack! Whut?? You would never see this with any Filipino politician (especially the Mindanao politicos)! No alalays scurrying about in great panic? Tulungan niyo si Ma'am, bilis! And what about the studio prowmpter? Where's the studio prowmpter?

Images of SoHo

We loves Westminster City's SoHo area. It's got everything - film, animation studios, theatre, jazz and rock clubs, retro shops, men's fashion, intellectual ek-ek haunts, bookstores, sex shops, clubs, pubs, cafes, oriental shops, restaurants, and for my best badichi pren Ashley, SoHo is also homoland. It's nice to do a random walk in these parts because it's semi-pedestrianised and it's got a continental feel to it with all the al fresco cafe drinking.


His Royal Orangeness Karl Willem and PA/PR Gromit would like to show you the way..

The retro shop. Hmmm, I am definitely coming back for Pussy galore.

Erotic revues.

S and M gear for those who need it.

Hmmm, as a devout Catholic, I don't have a problem with the quantity of my semen because I rarely spill my seed. Pero when I get the chance, ang quantity parang ang pagbabawas ng tubig sa Ambuclao Dam. Hindi lang panghilamos, dalawang banlaw pa ng labada...

I love ye olde cigar and spirits shops...

..especially the Caribbean ones.

They don't have Tanduay though..

Woolfy was here. I'm sure he enjoyed the plethora of pokpok clubs.

One of the more famous and established jazz clubs. I think Nina Simone even played here..

The section below is for my Muslim Aboriginal Friend from Marawi Ashley and his Royal Friend.

Ashley, siguro madalas ka dito noon. Mabenta ba ang iyong kayumangging batuta?

One of the gay pubs. Always packed.

...and there is this rather interesting story of a weird encounter with Rupert Everett but I will let Rosamunde write about that. (I'm really sorry Rupert, I did not mean to be rude.) Otherwise some anonymous commenter may accuse me of making up kwento again. (Gago! Kung duda kayo sa nilalaman ng blog na ito, eh di hwag niyong basahin, wala naman namimilit. This is my online diary ano at pawang katotohanan lamang ang nilalaman nito.)

Out op stack ser, mabenta kasi

The massive Puma store has SOLD-OUT of Jamaica jerseys. (May halong irony dahil made in China). I wanted to get me one. Siempri naman, baka that success will rub off on me diba after Jamaica topped the Athletics ranking? We all want to be winners. Kaya nga mabenta ang Brasil football shirts, All Blacks rugby jerseys, at Cuba boxing jackets dahil saksespul sila. Like would you want to be seen in a Purefoods Tender Juicy Hotdog basketball jersey??? Why would you advertise a crap team of conyo midgets and more importantly a brand that promotes bad food and obesity? Aanyways, I hope those Chinese dancers get back to the clothing factories to meet the demand. Hoy, tapos na olympics niyo, tama na yang synchronised dancing with glow in the dark costume. Ipaubaya niyo na yan sa UST cheersquad..kayo balik trabaho tahi dami damit  pala kayo hini lugi.

China finally beat the USA in the Olympic rankings (kahit ibawas natin ang 4 golds dahil may halong daya, tambak pa rin ang mga kano at kung wala si Phelps mas lalong tambak) but team GB has improved its Athens gold haul by 100%.