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Friday, 1 May 2009

Snap Photo Assault: How you lose 36 hours of your life and get a very numb butt.


London Heathrow perimeter fence.

Breakfast with Rosamunde at the airport. Yes, it was sweet of her to come all that way to the airport. She was also wearing jodhpurs and an old man made suggestive winks as I brandished her whip about. I whacked Rosamunde with the whip too in defense of the poor horses. "See if that doesn't hurt you eeveel horse rider!"

Let's be honest, "multi-faith" room is actually "mono-faith". I wanted to preach the good news of scientology but apparently, 'other' faiths are not welcome there. Kayo talaga Ashley, masyadong maraming ispesyal pribelidges yang relihiyon niyo. Mas mabuti pang gawing sauna yang mga cuarto na ganyan.

This is how you pee on a Boeing 747-400.

Kazakhstan is beautiful. Go there soon we must.

Hong Kong departure gates. I wanted to stay longah in Hong Kong but dah plens were full for two days. Pinoys from Hong Kong are excellent topologists. They clearly think that "7kg" cabin luggage no bigger than a backpack is suggestion lang naman, hindi mandatory. I had one backpack and by the time I took my seat in the Malou Fernandez business section I wanted to do a creative Boyet Fajardo outburst as there was NO place to stash my very thin bag!!!

Change the planes in HK. It was very rowdy and entertaining as Pinoys make the best passengers, haylavet. I abused the 'free drinks' policy with a couple of parched kababayans on transit from the east where they have no libations. Well, it's free innit? Kaya tagay na!

WTF. Did I land back in blighty?? It's raining black water in Manila. I also avoided a GMA news reporter who wanted to interview travellers about swine flu. As always, NAIA is a total shithole, they have money for PR stunts like thermal cameras but there is no water in the toilet. AND FOR THE nth TIME DEAR MEDIA, SWINE FLU HAS NOT BEEN DETECTED ON PIGS SO STOP ASKING IF WE WILL STOP EATING PORK. Anyways, merong isang mas kapal-muks ang game na game magpa-interview kaya go sige siya..

I am going to prove to you that I can take public transport from Manila to Baguio. Here, passengers are openly fleeced by a cab who charges P330 to Victory Pasay.

Again, openly fleeced of P65 for anorexic pork barbecue and NFA rice for lunch as I wait for the bus to Baguio. Can anyone tell me why the shipping guy at Victory is in FULL army camouflage uniform with Pelefin Airforce Badges?

The bus had to make a U-turn somewhere in Roxas Blvd so I have been under the LRT twice.

Makati. Metro Manila is unbearable when it is hot, even so when it is raining. Avoid.

That's more like it...cruising the breadbasket of Luzon...

...then Jesus showed up and our bus got rear-ended!

Which brought out the usisero in all of us. I can report that no one was hurt except for the bus' carbon fibre rear diffuser.

Aren't you just a little bit tempted to start it up?

Jesus was too busy hanging on the cross and carrying that ridiculous number of rosaries and so he was too pre-occupied to protect us from traffic mishaps.

Thankfully, I managed to make a refreshing toilet break amidst the sugar canes. You're welcome. I do my bit for organic farming whenever I can.

We is stuck in da medol of nowhere waiting por da poles to show up so we can become wetnesses and absolve the Victory tsuper of any fault.

Da powlees show up with the best forensic tool ever invented - the Blue Logbook. I'd love to steal that logbook, it's sure to be a goldmine of speculative fiction.

Tarlac rest stop. I ate balut. It was 15 pesos. I didn't have enough money and had to save for the taxi ride...

Nearly home is Sison bus stop where across the road from the official restuarant are go-go bars. I guess a 15 minute break is enough for a quickie. Incidentally, I was sat next to a happy family of local tourists who had to ask what province Baguio was in. We get that all the time. Baguio seems to exist in this fuzzy area, as if it just appears after La Union. But since they were nice and genuinely interested, I avoided sarcasm and told them about this rich and beautiful province called Benguet.

The first thing I did at home is take a cold shower. The second was to eat my parent's leftovers from dinner. Can't complain, it's bangus.

1 comment:

K. said...

Where's Queenie?